Thoughts Screamed from an Inadequate Soapbox

The difference between rock and emo is that rock takes responsibility for its actions,
or at least empowers its audience to change. Whereas emo take more of a victims mentality,
merely complaining about situations that it deams irreconcilable.
Rock beckons a response where emo asks the system around it to change.

"Everyone thinks of changing humanity and no one thinks of changing himself."
-Leo Tolstoy

Got the bulk of my final project for Film Production shot today. I am directing a 40's noir, murder mystery adaptation of The Cat in the Hat and The Cat in the Hat Comes Back. Its been a fun and busy project thus far, got some pick up shooting to get tommorow which will wrap principle photography. The editing and all that.

Well, it is now 4:53am and I have a ballet test I have to be up for in 4 hours. We were shooting till 2am. Wish me luck.

As the credits roll
and the the pictures fade to black,
dies a part of life that could have been.

The memories scream
and the music blares in pain
on a hope that began to wain.

best intentions
and cruel directions
couldn't save this sinking ship.

Skepticism
and inhibition
were the knife that brought it down.

Beauty, tragedy
and love
carried it along.

Torn emotion
and split devotion
lowered to cliche.

The story goes,
the lights come up
and you're gone.

(So the story goes)
the lights go down
and you're not there.

-----
Shattered Dreams & Poetry Screams
copyright 2005 Matt Harrell

"Then the Voom.....
It went voom!
And, oh boy, What a voom!"

-Dr. Seuss, Cat in the Hat Comes Back

Fun - in 10 words or less

snack shack,
the stick shack,
a rickshaw?
Knick-Knack?

Its been awhile since Ive updated, since that one time where that one thing happened to me. It was crazy. Ok, I dont rightly recall it but it must've been crazy. I mean, this is me were talking about here.
So tonight I got off work and went over to a friends for a bit of a get together. Pretty standard stuff with more than a couple people there that I didn't know. About 2 hours later a friend wanted some food, so we went to D'Leons(cheap drunk people's mexican -- which, I was not drunk, this I was driving. Designated Driver) *ahem* A small skirmish broke out in the drive through line. I don't even know why. I wanted to do something about it but considering people's potential "alternate dispositions" (wink wink) I'd better not. We got our food and left, once the excitement had subsided.
Why are people so impatient? Patience is a virtue. (undisputable) Why do people have such a hard time waiting to be satisfied. We live in a world of deadlines and fast food junkies. People who want, and want now now now! We live in a capitalist society where people look out for theirs and theirs alone. It is in this context that I question the success of our capitalistic government that has helped breed a society of complacency. What is the virtue of complacency? There isn't. Complacency isn't a virtue. It can't be. The grasshopper dies in the cold after piddling away his time as opposed to working. Don't be complacent. Wait, for a change and while you're at it take a look at the world through someone else's perspective.

I just got back from seeing Paul McCartney at the Qwest center in Omaha. Wow! What an experience. I actually got paid to see Paul McCartney perform, I was working with his organization Music Lives, you can check it out at Musiclives.org.

Pretty frickin cool if you ask me. Its 2 Am. I am running on 4.5 hours of sleep and have worked 13 of the past 18 waking hours of my life. Crazy. I feel half drunk, I think that means that statistic someone told me is correct.

Last wednesday and thursday, I saw Horizon by and with Rinde Eckert it was everything I would have hoped and some. Definitley worth the two year wait. Thursday I actually had my first ever "gig" with the Cotton Dirty Laundry Tour. I handed out shirts and info on Cotton, I wore some neat clothes and did a television promotion.

Four succesful folk from the entertainment industry were at my school on friday; Mel Efros, Ernie Hudson, Jorge Zemacona and Sandy Benniciano (sp? eeEe) They work mostly in Television but alot of the info crosses over.

As you can see its been super crazy busy, I should actually be sleeping but the McD's coffee I drank to keep me awake on the drive home from Omaha has me hopped up. Stop by to say Hi sometime. Keep it real most of all. Which seems to be the difficulty. and oh, yeah the word of the day is restraint....or Bachnalian(sp?) there is a corelation there, I think you'll be pleasantly suprised.

peace,

matt

Why can't life be more like a Kevin Smith film? I think life might be better as a Kevin Smith film. beneath all the shit there is hope. "One year later..." -Chasing Amy

Why are nights so difficult? Why is it dark out when its cold? Why is it that I can smile through the pain? Monday morning starts in a couple hours. Thats a new start. eh?

"Iam sorry Alyssa....wherever you are." -Chasing Amy(the comic book)

I don't even know an Alyssa!

I get to these uncomfortable places where I see a problem or problems that are facing the world and I want to change all of them now! Then I realize I dont have that ability. So I get this sense that I want to fix all of them in my lifetime. Then I realize I dont have that ability. So I get this feeling that I would like to change one of these problems. Then I realize I dont know where to start. So I start feeling like I should at least make a difference. But that answer seems so easy. And it all seems so heavy, like I cant even sleep.

"How doesn one most effiectively.....and then when should one stop discussing and analyzing and just do something about it?"

I'd like to say that I have the simple answer. BUT I DONT!!!! and I want it. We do, as a whole, but no individual. Step. Deny self. Step. Step. Look to the interests of others. Step. Step. Step. Don't take advantage of others looking out for your interests. Together we can get there.

Yet another short snippet of a thought. I feel like Sammy Jenkis from Memento here.


I never want to lose my sense of awe with the life.

Its not a democracy when you can't trust politicians.

Just attended an early screening of Domino.

It was the most objective movie I've seen since True Romance.
It was the most self aware movie I've seen in along time.
It was very heavy. It said alot.
About fathers and fatherlessness and about trust and media.
And Terrorism.
It had me from "Cat eating alien" to "Something was about to go wrong."

I wouldn't recommend it.

IT'S FALL BREAK!!!!!! Time to go crazy! This past week has been incredibly freaking stressful. So it is going to be nice to have more than an hour at a time to relax this weekend, although I still have alot to do.

I've just watched The Company for a second time in my life. This is a documentary style, narrative film that follows a ballet company. I think the easiest thing to say about this film is that it is utterly beautiful. I will watch it again with anyone who asks. Also, I think this movie has the best realization and actualization of space of any movie Ive seen. The entire movie is a dance, including any scene not on a stage, studio or dance floor. It is the exploration of distance relationships, space relationships. Rhythm. There is something so energetic about dance and engergy that binds us. Not to get all zen but, I think its true and its beautiful. Yet , there is something so un-natural about dance. It is almost a convention of absurdism. Using a unique shape to better express something so human as an emotion. I think Picasso and Fosse might've understood each other quite well. Something so natural, almost innocent (though it can be and has been convoluted - see comment on being zen above), dance is something universal. I think that dance might be the best, and most commonly overlooked media representation of passion(for examples watch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or Hero.) There is something so...baring, so revealing about music, about dance. It is almost like the opposite of a mask.

This is the reason I am taking ballet. This movie actually. To hopefully understand this better. I'd some day like to produce a work that involves dance. Adding brushes to my quiver...or something.

So I had this wish/thought go through my head today, I wish that everyone (with the exception of those who are already married) could forget about relationships for a period of time. To do this would allow people to really focus on what they really want and really want from life. Think about it! This would make life so much less confusing. I've said for the past few years that girls are confusing, you may be witnessing a temporary change of concept there. Relationships are confusing, because we've forgotten how to trust. We've been hurt. Forgetting about relationships would make things so much simpler. We could be friends again. (sigh)

"I don't wan't to lose heart. I wan't to believe, like he does." -Robert the Bruce, Braveheart.

I woke up this morning and made the simple decision to have a good day. I know that sounds silly, but in light of the events and stress of the past week or so, it turned out to have a major impact. Some days thoughts seem to flow. It seems to be there, whatever "it" is.

"What do we do?"

Just watched Garden State with a group of great people. Before that I watched a theatre production called, The Shadowbox. I thought that in the end it was hopeful, but getting there was tough to say the least. Sometimes I wonder why why wallow around in our squalor. What is the purpose of tragedy? Isnt there some hope. I feel that there has to be, There has to be. Garden State I feel intonates that there is. There is hurt yes, that is not something to be avoided. But also, I dont think it is something to be paraded about and set atop our mantles to look at. Sweet and sour. There is hope amongst the dirge.

"The only Living Boy in New York. -Simon and Garfunkel

Wow,

"Let Go." -Frou Frou

...

If you were to make an Amelie-esque introduction to me as a character, it would have to say that I enjoy eating ice cream out of the container, the smell of a humidifier and driving with my foot out the window. I don't like needles at all, the smell of dry-wall putty or gratuitous content in the media.

I think that the wisest thing to understand is that I am foolish.

It's SO weird that people actually read this.

SOOOO weird.

Thank you, I love you all.

right now I am in the middle of filming a film. Its called The Empty Temple. Temple is UNL's theatre building, my home outside of my dorm(I spend alot of time there), and supposedly (I just learned how to spell "supposedly") its haunted. I guess, I dont really belive it, but its been a fun shoot thus far. I am the boom mic operator (or sound dude, as its called in the biz.) The thing that SUCKS! is that my "boom pole" is a freaking like 15 pound stage mic stand. To Marc and Jeff of the Heart of the City shoot. I take back EVERY complaint that I ever uttered about booming for your show.

The following is a bit un-nerving to me as an aspiring artist. I dont know how to go on a journey!
Which is a very bad thing if you need to know. I seem to be able to find a moment and stick there. I dont know how to get to it. I dont know what to do after it. The fun part with my realizing this tonight, is that tonight I started with something that I am fairly familiar with. Hey, they say to "write what you know" so what better place to start, eh? Frustrating. Cause I now have two pages of dialogue and a little action and I dont know where they go. I have an idea. But I dont know how to get there. I mean, for pete's sake I dont even know these characters names yet! For the moment, the space on the page set aside for their names is filled with "Guy" and "Girl." Yeah, if you must know its an angry break up scene....which I dont know very well at all, but its what happens next that I know. But then, after that I dont know what. Yeah, its a relational drama. Its about hopes, dreams and the death and life of that. Who knows. I dont know what its about. Maybe I'll tell myself that my uncertainty will eventually lead to a senior thesis quality script. Scary! g'night.