Observations:

Having the day off of school because of snow is great.

Having no homework to do on my day off is even better.

At what age did relationships become political. All relationships?

A Time to Kill is a great movie.

Brad Pitt gives a great performance in Se7en, also in Fight Club.

Friends are fantastic, possibly even the best thing on earth.

The "L" in Samuel L. Jackson stands for freaking great.

My "Principles of design for theatre and film" class reminds me of Kindergarten. Its great.

Understanding "art" would be a huge help, or would it?

How did Peter Jackson win Best Director Golden Globe over Eastwood?

"Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness." -The Architect, Matrix Reloaded

Girls are confusing, on a gradation of confusion, more confusing than boys.

Girls are cute however, on a scale of cute, cuter than boys.

"If there weren't purple Skittles, indigo would just be getting the shaft." -My Roomate

Sean Penn deserved his Golden Globe for best actor.

How the heck did LOTR: ROTK win picture over Mystic River?

Charlize Theron is beautiful.

Someday I wanna make movies.

There are no "Show Me's" restaurants in Nebraska.

and thats about all I got.

Oh yeah and the space between the words Sean and Penn stands for Freaking Awesome.

People who think they got it all together are just confused.

The movie 12 Monkeys for $7, its less that a dollar a monkey.

War is such a messed up institution.

Are grocery carts with squeaky wheels manufactured with squeaky wheels?

Recalcitrant is a word.

Pedantic is a great word.

People who are given the opportunity to be crazy will act crazy.

This post has been brought to you by the letter "L".

We Live,

We live in a world of towers that sway,
and these monoliths are mere mortals.

We live in a world of plastic,
of toys and molded plastic cars,

We live in a world where what is is,
and what will be...

Days of Semester Break: 23
Christmas parties attended: 3
New Year's parties attended w/o drinking: 1
New Year's parties attended: 1
Pounds gained on break: 3
Times during break I worked out before tonight: 0
How sore Im gonna be tommorow: very


So yeah, break is over, first semester grades are in(I got all A's and B's!) and second semester classes rear their menacing head as classes start this morning. The end of a dream, dead in the wake of the end of break. But lets not dwell on the bad. Lets look forward to a semester perhaps of new growth, the spring semester, a period in which many species inherit new life, a chance to breathe again. And we could all use a chance at a new start.

Break was fantastic. I hung out with unquestionably some of my favorite people in the world. Truly, I would have to say that among the holiday hustle and bustle aimed at distracting us from what is really important during the holiday season that it is vital to remember what is truly important; people. Really, being with people I must say, is one of the most incredible times in the world. It is so very incredible to me that we have the ability to form relationships. So to those that I love, I say thank you for the honor of being able to hang out; My Family(Mom & Dad, Chris and Nate) Jeremy, Mike, Stephanie(both of them!) Rachel, Kelly, Lindsay, David, Ivan, Jason(thanks so much for the pics), Brent, My grandparents and relatives, Erin, Julie, Ben, Sonja. As I think back over this past break, I really am reminded of how great life is and how blessed I'am to be in the presence of such great people. (I will stop there and hope that I have not alienated any of you with my overt sentimentality. Just please know that I really am sincere in it all.)

Yeah, speaking of hanging out with my grandparents I am happy to say that one of the highlights of my break was caught up in the apparent insanity of my brother Chris. Approached one day in church by my brother, proposition was made in the detail of attending the Alamo Bowl in San Antonio, Texas. After very little initial thought and later laborious pondering I eventually caved. 14 hours and very little sleep later, we arrived at my grandparents house in San Antonio. A great evening of conversation, catching up with grandparents(I havent seen them in nearly 6 years!) and a day of hanging out on the RiverWalk amongst the other visiting revelers and I found myself seated(standing rather) in the Alamo Dome. Where two gridiron rivals peddled there various wares but in the end, it was Nebraska who walked away victorious. As an aside, I must say that this game came in stark, and most welcome relief to the KSU game that I attended in Nov.(see my post dated Nov. 15th). But yeah, hopping back into our car and out 14 hours later we found ourselves back in Omaha.

Other highlights of the time at home included the attendance at and the viewing of a wide array of assorted movies. A list of which I will supply you with, should you make further petition. The highlights of which I shall share with you here. I must say that of the season a film by the title of In America was my favorite. It is the story of an Irish-immigrant family to the U.S., with two daughters they move into a rundown apartment in Manhattan and the film is a narrative of their trials and triumphs. Starring Paddy Considine Samantha, Morton(Minority Report) and a fiery Djimon Hounsou(Amistad, Gladiator) as an artisitcally-inspired, reclusive building tenent, with a complicated disease. The film is amazing in its detail as presented by Jim Sheridan(In the Name of the Father) but it is still lighthearted and uplifting enough to avoid the tragedy billing. In my opinion, very good and enchanting.

Well, that sums up some of my Holiday experiences, however I will walk away with more memories from this break than would be logical to write down in this medium for fear of boring you. So it is here that I will end my tale. Thank you all.

YEAR IN REVIEW!!!

So yeah, this is the time of year that we are supposed to reflect on the events of the past year and also ponder the possibilities of the one to come. Right? So with no further ado, I present to you "As the years go by; a reflection."

As 2002 came to a close and the pages of 2003 were still damp with the possibilities of the new year, those who were watching observed as Matt finally moved from under the vigilant wing of his parents house. The infamous East-Wing became my newest haunt and the location which I would call home for the next 8 months. At the time I had just finished my first semester at college and one would presume that the undertaking of the next would be an order, but "...fate it seems is not without a sense of Irony."(Agent Smith, The Matrix -I think) I decided at the time that in order to truly get the degree that I wanted (in Film Production) I would at least need to go to Lincoln, UNO would have only supplied me with a Communications major(which would do wonders in getting me a job as a news anchor, and we all know how much I envy that job.) So I proceeded to get a job, and after a few months a different job, and a different job and a different job. So in retrospect, the first 8 months of 2003 saw Matt working at China Buffet, Chili's, The Olive Garden and finally PayPal, all of which pissed me off in their own sort of unique ways. I was also working at the Word Made Flesh office part time, which was a great experience, (fleshies rock!)

Then came August, a flourish of packing, a number of complicated forms and a 45-minute drive and I found myself moving from Omaha, to the Great city of Lincoln! "There is no place like Nebraska!" and that is where I have been for the waning 4 months of the year. Dorm life and classes and cafeteria and attention-starved theatre-majors came rushing in from all sides. It has been a fun semester and a semester of change. As a Chrysalis takes shape inside the cocoon, I to have seen alot of change this past year. From moving out to going to school, changing majors to changing philosophical stances.

A year that I wouldnt trade back for just about anything. I think that it is safe to see that this past year has seen more development in my life than any of those in the past. From chasing Bats in the East-Wing, to agonizing over exams in Lincoln, to pouring my cerebrum through any number of the philosophy books or papers that I have read(and I still came out alive in the end) is all proof that it is possible for the brain to process too much information. However, as we depart from the out-dated 2003, I feel that a dent has been made if not a conquest. The development of a person takes place on a micro-level and this year will certainly take its place in that course of development.

And as is with all of these "review" letters, one is supposed to make a quick glance to the next year, and me being one to shy from bumping societal norms and conventions will oblige. This next year is probable to see two more semesters of college, with more good times to be had by the gentlemen of Selleck 6300. This next year may see me working on or being in a few different films(if the fates would will it :-) ) and also hopefully a few different theatrical productions at school. Other than that it is tough to say, I try to plan out my life, that way it has a greater propensity to be spontaneous.

Well thats about it, I hope I provided enough detail to be informed yet been cryptic enough that you guys will still talk to me. I love you all and lets have a world changing 2004!

peace,

matt

"I still haven't found what Im looking for."
-U2

The bleary-eyed bleakness of the store rang in my brain. As my head oscillated from shelf to shelf and the squeaky wheels of my shopping cart swiveled from aisle to aisle, the empty display cases gave evidence of the voracious greed that had enveloped the shoppers who had gone before me. The barren shelves reminded me of my own procrastination.

Sure, it was only two days before Christmas when I walked through the automatic sliding glass doors of the Wal-Mart at 180th and West Center, at this point I hadn't even given a thought as to what to by everyone for Christmas.

The first thing that rang in my brain was the slightly older, slightly "oversized" gentleman maneuvering the majorly oversized push-mop through the canyons and entryways of the store. The next thing that seemed out of place about this trip was that the typical "greeter" seemed pre-occupied. The person who was always so friendly, the person with the smiley face stickers seemed to have multiple responsibilities at this time of day. Something was wrong.

You see, as a college student I am ok with saying that I frequent the local area Wal-Mart and as a college-student I would consider myself pretty familiar with the typical Wal-Mart landscape and it would seem that on the evening of this particular visit, something had gone majorly askew. However, throwing caution and confusion to the wind I began to proceed with my shopping. I was tired and as any man would, I just wanted to get done with shopping and go home.

Another thing that was noticed about this visit was the definate lack of people. It was this fact that brought the protagonist of this story a little bit of satisfaction. It was this portion of the story that he had counted on. It was just after midnight when I arrived.

I had gone to a few different stores in the days leading up to this night with the intentions of getting all of my shopping done. However as the slightly shy person that I am, I don't like being around that many people at one time, especially if they are in front of me in line to check out. So in my logical but slightly irrational mind, I devised a plan to attack my shopping at a point where I figured there would be the least amount of people. Thank goodness for 24 hour Wal-Marts!

As I meandered the lifeless aisles seemingly nothing stuck out at me with the tag, sticker or advertisment that said "HELLO MATT, I WOULD MAKE A WONDERFUL GIFT FOR YOUR FAMILY MEMBER!" And as the minutes wore on slowly, the shopping slowly wore on me. I picked up a pair of work out pants for myself and exasperated grabbed a movie for my brother, paid and left the store.

It had been nearly an hour. Frustrated and tired I drove home. With only one gift down, I decided that shopping really does suck and would prefer to never do it again.

The moral of the story however is that the least crowded time to shop, especially at Wal-Mart is between the hours of 1 and 4 in the morning.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!!!!

I will not have my dreams hampered by reason or logic. Reality perhaps, but I will not suceed that idea before it happens.

"Shoot for the stars"

"The frustrating thing about finals is that they are so.....final."

So here I am, I actually have 2 of my 3 finals done and I have a day off in between todays final in philosophy and my thursday final in my political sciences class, so that is nice. A proverbial cooling of period for my oft-overworked brain. I find myself here, engaging in about as many mind numbing activities as possible, which often goes so far as simply hanging out with some of my friends here on the hall. Not to say that they are all immature, but I want to remind some of them that "THIS IS COLLEGE!" Junior-hi was over more than four years ago, lets grow up. I hope that doesn't come across as pompous on my part, I won't begin to claim that I'am more mature by any point. But when at dinner, humor is the main portion of conversation. I want to ask, are we capable of having a formidable conversation? Maybe I just need some new friends. But I digress. All that to say, I realized today that I am looking forward to being in Omaha, where the logical conversation doesnt grow on trees or even come a' tricklin down the rocks. But at least I dont have to stage a desparate search for logical thought.

Now, where was I? Flappin' my yap about finals, eh? The frustrating part about finals is for the past two nights I have spent probably 8 hours stuffing my cranial region with information that I will wake the next morning to pour out all over the pages of my latest exam. I watch alot of movies, and in watching some older war movies you may notice that when loading and firing a cannon the infantry man loads the ball, then the powder, then they have to pack the powder down with this big-large Q-tip type thing. Ok, now picture my brain as the cannon, and especially for the point of my very dis-jointed story, lets skip to the packing of the powder and picture in your mind that technique of studying(or cramming, as we like to call it here in college.) A few hours of this, a couple hours of sleep, wake up, regurgitate the well digested knowledge onto paper, walk out of the classroom and proceed to never need that information ever again, ever. How pointless is that? Is that really learning? I mean, sure I would love to be able to say that I am actually interested in all of my classes, but to be honest, as any college kid will attest to "Im not interested in all of my classes."

This has been another of "matt's vent sessions" thanks for tuning in and listening.

The "A donde?" of where Iam.

So then yeah guys it is the weekend after dead week and it has been quite some time since I have written.

Just to let you know I plan on using the words propensity, pedantic, menial and docket in this post, so should you need to look those up, I will be taking a brief intermission here to allow you to do so.

(House lights up)

-----

(House lights flicker then go out)

Ok, now where was I? Ah yes, something about "dead week." Now if one were to take a look at the individual words used to express this thought, one is likely to come to the conclusion that it is a week with the characteristics or qualities of being dead. Now personally from the word "dead" I would infer that it would peaceful, relaxing and above all, a time of reflection, right? Hmmm....wrong. ITS BEEN CRAZY!!! Studying and reading and reviewing, seriously folks, I WANT MY MONEY BACK, talk about false advertisement. Boy they should be thankful that I dont have money for a lawyer! To be honest, I think that is why college costs so much, simply so that students can't sue the university over menial items such as this.

Anywho, now that I either have your attention or have lost it forever, we have that out of the way. Now on to my life as it is now. I sit, we all sit teetering on the edge. The edge that I now find myself perched on and peering over is Finals Week. WHEEEE. Well it has been a year since I took my last college final and I find myself kind of at a loss as far as what to expect. I have 3 finals in 3 pedantic "gen-ed" classes only one of them comprensive. Why you care about those details I dont know, but I felt that you should. Anwyho, so that is on the docket for this coming week. So that should be fun.

Other than that, this morning I performed a ten-minute scene for the theatre department, that was alot of fun and kind of a nice refresher course as I lower myself slowly back into the waiting pool that is stage theatre. I plan on auditioning for a couple shows this next semester, so I will keep you all informed on progress of that kind.

Being the Film Nerd that Iam, I have a propensity to watch lots movies and the past and recent weeks have been no exception. Allow me to pass on the commendable and the other of the films that I have watched. I watched James Cameron's The Abyss last night and was amazed, ok, let me expound on that a bit, I cried. I would recomend this movie to anyone. Also a few weeks ago, I watched William Friedkin's The French Connection, a phenomenal look back on what the cat-and-mouse thriller is supposed to look like, with great performances by a young Gene Hackman and Roy Scheider, also of Jaws(another great film by the way.) As far as comedy goes let me throw this out as we sit amidst the Christmas season, Elf with Will Farrell was(in my opinion) hilarious. Not to say that it was a cinematically spectacular film, simply to see it was very entertaining. I also watched Christopher Nolan's Memento this last week and I must say that it is one of my favorite films. So there you go, as I look back on it, I dont think you guys have the stamina to keep up for the number of "non-commendable" movies that I have watched, so maybe we will save that for next time.

Hmm...other than that I dont know. Just hanging out here at college and pretending that I know what I am doing. I am looking forward to being done with finals this next week and should be back in O-town this coming weekend some time. So if you find yourself in that area over break and would like to kick it around town, give me a holler and we can do so.

peace,

matt

"Just because you feel it, doesnt mean its there."
-There, There by Radiohead

Wow! Sometimes all that it takes to get us going is a kick in the butt and tonight I have recieved two. I can honestly say that I just read two of the most inspirational and hope filled writings that I have read in quite some time. Thank you Miss Axne and you Mr. Styles.

I guess, following in the vain of things a couple of quotes come to my mind.

"Everyone thinks of changing society, no one thinks of changhing themselves."
-Leo Tolstoy
"Without a revolutionary theory there can be no revolutionary movement."
-Lenin
and the word Praxis
-Websters collegiate dictionary.

I could stop there and have said all that might need to be said. But frustration pervades and my greed gives way to passion and I vent.

Steph talked in her blog about (as I interpret it) getting up off your butt and getting things done. This has been something of a frustration to myself for many years now. This epidemic of people not taking responsibility and making something of themself has produced a multi-million dollar psychiatrist industry and has made "dr." Laura lots and lots of money. People are sooooo concerned with knowing what the "right" thing to do before they do it that they inherently forget to go do anything. -you can visit her blog at ifiwerequeen.blogspot.com

Jeremy talked in his blog about how we as a "fast food" generation have become proficient at all, but masters of none. We have all this information fed to us and we have no idea what any of it means. We are continually reliant on others to start something.
-you can visit his blog at discipleforlife.blogspot.com

I guess all of that brings me to the word praxis, a lovely word that, as I have found out, very few people understand or know the meaning of. Defined as; "Practice, as distiguished from theory, of an art, science, etc." Praxis, in my mind is doing, now you may ask, how can one do without first thinking. But this is the thing, it should be a symbiotic circle. Many of us get so caught up with acting before we think or getting stuck in a rut of thinking and pondering and theorizing, that we forget to act, completely and totally negating any perpose to the thought at all. Praxis then in my mind has to become the two feet of logical action. Thought...Action...Thought..Action..Thought.Action.ThoughtActionThoughtAction.

We are all sitting around waiting for this world to become this magically better place and I would ask you this. What are we doing about it? Now I do not remove myself from this criticism because God knows that I am probably just as guilty as the worst of us in this area. But if we hedge ourselves in the mire of blame then we still have accomplished nothing. Let us stop waiting for change and merely change ourselves in order to change the world.

"From nothing, nothing comes."
-Stavesacre

Kapeesh?

p.s.- snow sucks

I make no further attempt at trying to explain the nuances of my personality.

I must say, more power to little people!

Seriously, the childrens rock. Today as I was walking across college campus, a place where you typically expect to see more average size people say between 5' and 6'10"(is this tallest I have seen thus far, but this guy is Gargantuanical, a national championship/olympic shot putter.)

But today I was on my way to Philosophy and Current Issues class, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a gaggle 2-3 foot persons! It was awesome. About 20 or 30 of them all holding on to the rope that was held between them. All of them eyes wide as their small feet struggled to keep up with their roaming eyes. I guess they were on some sort of field trip from the local pre-school visiting "Big school" they were being lead around by 3 ladies that barely seemed to know what they were talking about, but who can hold it against them. Some of them had their fingers out stretched as they tried to put words behind the synapsis coursing though their developing minds.

Yeah, a few years from now they will be all grown up and at college themselves probably making the same observations about some kids touring college. But for today it was my turn to enjoy the contrast.

I wanted to warn them all, STAY IN PRESCHOOL. Dont grow up and become wise to the ways of the world. Stay in a place where you can play with blocks and cars.

They said to "play nieve."
"Just pretend like you dont know anything and you'll be fine" They advised.
"Just act dumb and eventually, they will leave you alone."

Well, let me tell you this. The longer you keep that one up. The dumber you begin to feel. Couple this feeling with the fact that I'am at college, the intellectual hub or learning ground of the city. A place where we are supposed to be learning. College, isn't that a step above stupid and a step below living on our own? Ever feel like you are back in kind-e-garten?

Can't we grow up?

If you need an apology, Jeremy Styles most recent blog posted on Wednesday, Nov. 19th, I think should suffice. You can find it at discipleforlife.blogspot.com
He's a great guy.

I have no intention to "...offend with improprieties or obscenities..." Simply seeking for this place to be a better one. Cant we grow up and tell each other like it really is, without succumbing to the wiles and temptations of childhood games like "cooties" and gossip?
(quotes from, The Birth of a Nation.)

In closing, I would like to thank you for taking part in this, yet another one of "Matt''s Rants." More to come, please stay tuned.

p.s.- Wow, in retrospect, I have one more question. Could one be anymore vague in his describing his thoughts on a very specific subject? "....I hope that the answer will make you smile." -to quote my roomate.

KSU@NU

I was a occupant of the 4th largers city in Nebraska today, as a matter of fact, simultaneously I was in the second largest city as well. Crazy. Newton get out your protractior and try to assign a formula to that!

There are alot of things one would expect or at least hope for in their Maiden voyage to Memorial Stadium, and winning is one of them.

So, here's the scoop, noon on a Saturday afternoon, Saturday November 15th, 2003. This cute girl that I know and is a friend of mine instant messeges me. She apparently has decided to go into Omaha for the day in order to pay the family a visit, unfortunatley these actions would leave one Husker Student ticket lonely and in her draw waiting to be thrown away. A devistation, so the offer is put forth, rather the plea put out of whether or not I would like to procure one Husker Football ticket and add my number to the ranks of the 78,000+ on hand today at Memorial Stadium. WOULD I!?! WOULD I?!! (No this is not some cheesy joke about some guy with wooden eyeballs.) So, said ticket is dropped off by about 1 o'clock and I am on my way by almost 1:30. OH BOY!!!

Now, every single Joe Schmoe will blab on and on about "the experience" and I guess I must say, it is something that should be enjoyed on a personal basis. There's alot of people in one stadium in Northern Lincoln on gameday. Lots of people, a veritable throbbing mass, a pulsing collective all bent on Husker Domination, well I guess most in the stadium are. Really and truly, the raw power that can be felt, during the minutes before kickoff as the team takes the field, perhaps even heightened today because it was the seniors last home game. But the Nebraska Fight Song pumps out of the band and the loudspeakers, 78, 000 are on their feet, the anticipation, the noise, the excitement. The blackshirts, the offense the emotion is already thick enough to take flight.

Now, I would actually like to just make out some points that most others may not have observed from an experience of this magnitude. First of all, they say that if you are ever in a swarming mob, just pick up your feet and you will be carried along. Well, there just weren't enough other feet there to carry my feet. To be honest I was dissapointed, and I must have looked like a fool trying to pick up my feet and having nothing happen.

Second, to me it is most amazing how efficient the restrooms can be during half time. There is a line probably 30 feet long outside of the restroom, but amazingly enough that line is continually moving, a steady stream in-going and out-going allike, absolutley amazing. Gotta love the trough.

Thirdly, props to the hot-dog slinger guy. He's great! Although I wasn't a personal recipient of any of his fair today. Many others were and heck, who isnt awed by the sheer power of a contraption that can shoot a frankfurter about 30 yards. WOW! I think they call him "Da Vienter Schlinger" almost like its supposed to be German or something. How inane.

Fourth thing of worth that I noted from the game as well is that these are not just "fans" filling the seats of the stadium. Rather, today I entered an arena of nearly 78,000 people that completely felt like they knew and understood "the game" better than the professionals on the field. Ok, Im not only talking about the coaches. But the guys and gals of the seats near mine apparently, truly believe that they know football better than the coaches, players, referees and any other sort of person that spends 5 days a week practicing. There are some gosh darn smart people in these stands.

The noise, sure its powerful almost deafeningly so at times. But I must say that to me even more impressive than that was the silence. Today Husker Nation paid its regards to the seven men and women from Nebraska who have given their lives in Iraq. 78,000+ and all you could hear was the nervous shuffling of feet and clothes from people fidgeting about. (I teared up.)

Well, to this point I have explained alot, but have left out what perhaps should be the main point of a trip to a football game. Sure it was good to see, but I think that when it all boils down, we walked away after 60 minutes of football with a most regretable performance. I did however stay for the entire game. I fought the urge to which many succumbed and that was to leave early. Nope, I stayed.

Now my arm and hands are sore from all the clapping. I must have clapped more today than we normally do in church.

So Peter Weir's Master and Command the Far Side of the World starring Russell Crowe comes out today. Which brings me to my next point.

People

Why do people have to be so freaking dumb? Seriously, everybody walks around trying to pretend to own this place that we all have to share. I mean, don't get me wrong goofing around is great, I myself enjoy it quite often. But going out of your way to make a joke that makes others uncomfortable, being loud and rambunctious. Whats with it? I mean nobody cares to see that you are comfortable enough with yourself to yell something in the Cafeteria. I dunno thats just me.

Stupid people annoy me and yet I open my eyes and the world is full of them, chock full of them. Grow up people, there is more to life than your own. Think about someone besides yourself.

Then on to other news. Its FRIDAY!!!! How bout that? My favorite day of the week, and there is now a week and a half till thanks giving break, then about 2 or 3 weeks till semester. Hot Dang.

Power to the People.

Do you ever sit down with the express intention of writing something? Something that will be great, could even change the world, ideas bumbling, rambling aimlessly stumbling through your head so fast that it would even make Hans Blitzer's head turn this way or that. You sit down to the low hum, and the bright glow of your computer screen, crack your back, stretch your fingers and place them cautiously on your keyboard. Your brain is pulsing, you hope that everything will come out ok. A brief flash of light and you see yourself standing at a podium, holding a pulitzer prize. The audience is applauding graciously and you cry. Lists of verbs, nouns and dangling particples course through your brain.

"I sure do hope that this comes out right."

and nothing happens.

Tonight is one of those nights for me.

Hello all. I, here at my desk here,(wow that sounds so official) from my dorm in Lincoln, NE. 68508(mmm...there went official) offer you these few words concerning my life.

Yup. Just over a month later and still here "playing" college(quotations, my brother's - Thanks Chris! I love that guy!) I guess as redeemable we find that we are now over halfway through the sememster. Which in my opinion is really phenomenal. It is about this time, and I think that anyone who has ever been a college student would agree, that you begin to look forward to a new semester, some new classes, a fresh shot of life.

Before that, however, we have the holidays. Sure, there is some debate on whether or not the holidays are happy times or not, taking into account a number of factors. But, I think that any college student, the holidays are a wonderful thing. Going home. Now that phrase says alot for a college student. By the time the college kids go home for Christmas, they have lived in a box where that can walk 5 feet in any direction and carry out any number of activities: Turn on the TV and watch Jeopardy, Get in bed and take a nap, open a drawer and comb(or spike, in my case) your hair, get online and check the scores of last nights game or research the effects of the Macabbean revolt on modern civilization. You can open your closet and gaze upon the beauty of all of your worldly possesions crammed delicately into a corner of your room, I hop in bed, which also doubles as my couch and read a book(preferably not a text-book), or my personal favorite, in room activity staring out the window that overlooks the union lawn and observing the activities of other vibrant UNL students.
As you can tell, there are a number of experiences that can be had from the shrinking square feet of a dorm room and the prospect of going home and actually walking to the kitchen, (which is up-stairs!) open up a FULL-SIZE fridge to see what kind of goodies await your consumption(all paid for by Mom and DAD!) Currently, the contents of me and my roommates, "college-size" fridge includes; hmmmm....one jar of Bakers brand grape jelly. I guess that could be useful in the making of a PB&J sandwich, in the event that we had some Peanut Butter and Bread!
Now,speaking of food, going home is a time of festivities, spent with family. Now in the eyes of a college student, seeing all the relatives is a FANTASTIC idea. However, the key point that sticks out is that they are not spending meal-time in the local cafeteria! Dont get me wrong, the local cafeteria is good, its just that you start to look for something new, when you notice fried cat-fish sticks on the menu for the third time in two weeks.

Ok, well thats all I got as far as creative goes. I really wasnt planning on boring yall with that long of an intro, but for some reason those are the words that came crashing out of my brain.

Things her at college are good.(I would use the word great, but I was just reminded that "great" means big, not good.) It is true however, that the longing has set in for a new slate of classes and a new schedule. Not to say, that I have given up on the classes I am in now. I am actually enjoying them quite a bit. But, my mind begins to shift toward the spring semester and all of the new and EXCITING opportunities that it brings.

Well, speaking of exciting. These next few weeks are shaping up to be something to write home about. There is an upcoming performance of A Flea in Her Ear(a french farce) and as a Bottom-of-the-Totem-pole Intro to Theatre Student, I will be doing "light hang"(ie-hanging lights) for that production, taking up two of my upcoming Sundays. From there, I got a VERY small part in a "Directors scene" which is for the senior theatre majors, who are in a directing class, that have to produce a short scene. So I have a few rehersals for that and then an in class performance. Also, for a show called The Blue Room, I am doing run crew. Run crew are those people that dress in all black and run around on stage between scenes doing absolutley nothing. No really, we move props and scenery changes. Also, there is opportunity for me to help out in some regard on a few different film projects that are being done by different film majors around campus. So yeah, should be fun. Other than that, classes, and food, and sleeping, and hanging with friends, and watching JEOPARDY! WHEEEE!

So there you have it. Sorry to cut this email so short, but really I cant think of much else that is exciting enough to keep you awake. I have been visiting some different Churches around the city which has been good. Also, just to lay all of your minds at rest, I as of 2:43pm on Novermber 3rd, 2003 still do not have a girlfriend. I just dont want anyone to worry, hmmm...unless you are my Mom and are highly concerned with timeliness in which I find a girlfriend(I love you Mom!) She wants grandkids. But that may be awhile(see my quote near the end of the page.)

Well thats it. I love you all dearly. Sorry that my communication has been so sparse, I must say in my defense that I have been busy.

peace,

matt

"Girls are confusing."

So, here we are "College!" Been here almost two weeks. How exciting. Really things are everybody. (I say 'everybody' as though there are loads and loads of people reading this.) Anywho, school is good. Classes are good. Cafeteria is really good and yes, I am getting along fine, being away from home and all. As a matter of fact I am enjoying it. I feel that being away is allowing me just enough breathing room. I guess the best way to explain that statement is to say that in most people's lives I have found that there is a point where you just need a bit more room. Some where to go, away from those people that you have grown up with all of your life. I feel that this is it. Not to say that I am becoming or even hope to become a drunken party-going maniac. No, just some room to move about and feel out where and more importantly who, Iam. Outside of classes I am working part time at a coffee shoppe downtown called "Solid Ground" its a good place with some great bagels and even better coffee and lattes. Some killer sandwiches as well. So if you are reading this and live within an hour drive of Lincoln Nebraska. Then please feel free to look it up and give it a try.

Wow! What an experience, and one that none of you, who were not there can experience with me ever, ever again.

Evanescence played the Bob Devaney sports center here in lovely Lincoln. To which I moved last week for anyone who cares(more on that later.) It was great. Blistering bass guitar riffs poignantly punctuated by hard hitting yet melodic guitars and the angelic sound of Amy Lee's voice. The beauty, the mayhem, the chaos all rolled into a nicely appointed hour-size bite. This may just be what the after life tastes like.

"If this is torture, then chain me to the wall." -Tito the dog in Oliver and company

Beautiful. Mid-way through their set Evanescence covered Zero by the Smashing Pumpkins, for those of you 'Matt Harrell-Pop-culture-junkies' then you may just know that the late Pumpkins were also one of my favorite bands in their prime. It was great. Definatley right up there with the Linkin Park show and the other Evanescence show that was attended by me in KC. This show also finds itself in the company of the pleasures of buying a new pair of socks. Cool huh?

The band, hailing from Little Rock, AK. mostly played stuff from their most recent recent sophmoric release on Wind-Up records "Fallen", a few tracks off of their original self-released album "Origins" and also suprised and pleased a few in the crowd with a few of the tracks off of their 99 EP. Another pleasurable point of the show was a few new tracks, hopefully from their upcoming as-of-yet untitiled album. Wow, allow me to break from my stylistic propensity; to end this one song. Amy left the stage and Ben Moody(typically, the guitarist brought out a small drum set-up with two base heads and two smaller snare heads. It was MIND-BLOWING. The pounding of the regular drummer added to the back-up guitarist and the inreasingly powerful bassist, all coupled with the might and power of the added drum. Wow! Thats all that I have to say.

(hey all, ummm....here I go being vulnerable with myself. This is a bit of something that I wrote, it caught my mind late one night and I have played around with it. I like it a bit, although it is not as refined as I would have hoped. It is more or less, fictional, but perhaps a bit allegorical as you can consider my waiting for the 'next step' of life, being college here in a few weeks. So enjoy! Let me know what you think.Please keep your more harsh criticisms to yourself, as I am still learning.)



the waiting room!

The sticky feel of vinyl seats sticks lightly against my skin. The pungent smell of sterile wafts through the door. The worn edges of the over-read 'health' magazine floats lightly in my hand and even lighter in my mind. The muted sounds of the bedraggled mom with the screaming kid barely shakes my stare. The 'clink' from the beads of the toys on the waiting room floor beg my attention no more.

Then the door, the door to the back, the door to the 'promised land' swings open just long enough for a women in white to step out, and as I look at this out-of-focus figure, the words that leave her lips and cross the doors’ threshold barely cross the threshold of my mind. "I dont know those words...they must not be mine, that name must not be mine." Disappointment crowds my head.

I find myself waiting, and for what? I do not know. I have been waiting is all, all I know. I have been waiting for quite some time now, but long enough to have forgotten when I started, when I started waiting that is. Now, at this time, I don’t even know what I have been waiting for, but there is a sense of anticipation. Every time the door opens I feel, "OH, this could be me, please, let it be me!" With each passing click of the door shutting again, with me still waiting, my mind seems to say "Any time now, next time its you. You haven’t been forgotten."

I have filled out all my forms, finished all my paperwork. I have dotted my “I’s” and put the line through the “x.” But still I wait. My insurance forms are completed, but with no real assurance of anything.

The man in the corner, the one with the cane, tells me that it could be a long wait. But his eagerness also pacifies my fear. “Someday, someday soon” I say, “maybe the next one will be for me.” The picture of resilience, the picture of wisdom this man strengthened my resolve to keep waiting. This man, gives me hope. So here it is that I wait, here in this room, this ‘waiting room.’





peace,

matt

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”