I fear. I fear that we will be caught with our hands in our pockets hoping, wishing that we had the time to pull them out.

If you believe it
you will become it

If you say it
you will believe it

The Upside of Anger or Just in case your childhood didnt make you angry this movie will make you feel it should have or The Angry Side of Anger.


So as I write this I am currently watching The Upside of Anger, proving two points; one is that it is nearly impossible for me to turn off a movie. Second is that it appears that a movie about an angry single parent is only making me angry with the movie, further proving my first point.

A tragedy is a story in which the characters are seemingly welded to a track which leads to a downfall, events that are tragic in nature. Welded to a track that takes the characters in a direction that it is often painful to watch. Still, and Shakespeare proved this, the choices that most tragic characters seem at the moment logical to the audience, the sign of a good tragedy, usually.

However and now I am just rambling...and yes ranting just a bit...see above comment about anger. A bad tragedy is one where illogical characters make illogical and all-together painful and unmotivated decisions that no logical person would make.

In the end I feel that The Upside of Anger is director Mike Binder's flawed love letter to his broken childhood. I was hoping for some redemption from the cast, especially Erika Christensen who I was very much impressed by in Traffic but even she felt like little more than a plastic doll powering through awkward situations and horrendous dialogue. Kevin Costner is decent, Diane Lane is decent but majorly and almost completely flawed. Mr. Binder I thought we were supposed to feel compassion for at the characters. I do not share your view that all men are slobs and all women are angry because of it.

I am currently looking up statistics and wondering as to why it took 5 production companies to put together this $13 million film. For the record this is the first movie I have walked away from in as long as I can remember.

So for those of you who know me, you might know that I have an appreciation for sushi, and if you didnt know that you know do. So with that I added making sushi to my list of experiences. It was really cool and it tasted good. I would recommend sushi to anyone and everyone. So simple yet complex. So flavorful and healthy. Its almost like the perfect food.

Just got back from Chicago last night around midnight. 3 days away and in Chicago were just what I needed. It was great to see some friends I havent seen in awhile. It all makes me jealous that I am Omaha as opposed to being in Chicago. I love that city. The next 2.5 years pending it is currently the place that I would like to end up shortly after graduation. Saw Navy Pier which, aside from the commercial was very cool. I think I could spend most of my days there just writing. Ivan's performance was good, if thought provoking which it was.

I got my resume off to the writer of the film that I could potentially be working on. Pray that goes well. Lots of good thoughts on the form and function of art as well as its purpose and place.
Batman Begins rocks! Even harder on the IMAX screen where I saw it. Chicago rocks! I dont know why I am living here. Its frustrating. Now I must to sleep or I will be on tired boy at work tommorow.

After spending four hours inventorying a local Shopko department store I have a new goal to fulfill with my life. And that is to never own or wear a pair of pants with the hidden elstic waist expanders stuff. There have it. Also, tommorow CHICAGO OR BUST!!!

peace,

matt

Shattered dreams and poetry screams(disconnected)

As the credits roll
and the pictures fade to black,
dies a part of life that pains me in my sleep.

The memories fade
and the music blares in pain
on hope that begins to wain (away).

Best intentions,
and cruel directions
couldn't save this sinking ship.

Skepticism and
inhibitions
were the knife that held it back.

Beauty, love
and tragedy
carried us along.

Torn emotions
and split devotion
lowered to cliche.

The story goes
The lights come up
and you're gone.

So it goes.
So the story goes.

Irony is reading a chapter of a book that describes a recent-past situation in my life to the T. A chapter which is also now a short film script. A film for which I've been asked to audition for. A chapter about a phone call, that I read just moments before I planned on calling her.

No one should feel the need to feel "sexy" until their wedding night. Attractive? yes. Beautiful? more so still. "Sexy?" No! What message are we trying to send?
I am the bride of Christ. You are the bride of Christ.
Purity. The lost virtue of today.
Live different.

you pull the cord from my mouth
even as I die watching.

wipe that smirk of your face,
you'll never win this

Holy Jumpin-Jellyfish, this-aint-your-grandmother's Batman Begins!

So much has happened in my heart and in my mind and in my life since my last post that I dont even know where to start as far as all of that. But I did just go see Batman Begins and I was very impressed. Christopher Nolan, I love you. Christian Bale, I love you. Cillian Murphy, I love you and am jealous of your eyes. Liam Neeson, you kick ass and I love you. Tom Wilkenson, I love you. Ken Watanabe, I love you. Michael Caine, I want to cast you in something and I love you. Gary Oldham, I love you. Katie Holmes...if youre out there and youre reading this. I love you. Tom is a schmuck, and short. Leave him and we can get old and wrinkly together. Batman had heart, Batman had torment, Batman was a human, sharing with me in the co-existence with the human condition. For the first time in my life I truly appreciate Batman. Before I had said "Batman is just a rich and strong prick with a fancy utility belt." I take that back. Thank you Christopher Nolan, Thank you David S. Goyer (story writer), Thank you Christian Bale. Katie Holme, I love you.

Two movies of note thus far from 2005: Crash and Batman Begins.

Also, just for the record. I hated StarWars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. I was bored. I felt the need to write letters of apology to Ewan Mcgregor and Natalie Portman for some of the dialogue they had to suffer through. Mr. Lucas, please tell the world that you are done, not just with StarWars but with directing in general. Focus your abilities on ILM, your true master piece. Collect the royalties and hole yourself up in Skywalker ranch the rest of your happy existence. Please.

God gives and God takes away.
God closes doors, and makes other ways.
Father into your hands I commit my Spirit.... Not my will but yours be done.

I think that Howie Day said it best when he said "Stop all the world now"

I feel that there is so much going on in my mind/heart....or heart/mind rather that I don't know how to put it down in words. I feel that it is going to come out some time though, and it is all good stuff. I am very encouraged. Have you ever had one of those incredible days where at the end you are just exhausted? That was yesterday for me and even after sleeping nine hours I am pooped.

Iam off to deliver some mail!

"3"

Indecisions goodbye.

Integrity.


"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

"The Joy of the Lord is your strength."

-Nehemiah 8:10

"For the glory of God is man fully alive."

-John Eldredge, Waking the Dead

I think I can honestly and authoritatively say that I have the best set of friends ever, and any attempt to argue with thought would only serve to defend that position. My motivation in attempting this point is that you all are willing to live life with me, to question, to teach, to bleed, to love, to cry, to laugh and smile, to live. Thank you.

By the end of the summer my legs are gonna be like rocks. Right now my gluteals feel like fire. Tommorow morning my quads are gonna feel the same if not worse. I just played ultimate frisbee for nearly 3 hours. Awesome! We won. I just pray that I get a "mounted" mail route tommorow, which would mean that I get to drive a truck and deliver as opposed to walk and deliver, cause my legs are going to sting.

Happy Memorial day! Spend some time with the family today.

It would seem that the "summer slump" is taking the reverse, and by that I mean that there seem to be some new folk checking by(either that or the same 2 people are stopping by 4 and 5 times a day...hey if so, Rock On! But if there are in fact new people, I would wish you a hearty Welcome! Drop a line sometime. I think there is a link for feedback or comments or whatnot.

I think I discovered a rift in the space-time continuum today (suddenly the "former trekkies" contingent of my readership perks up.) Yeah, standing in the bathroom at work in the West Omaha Post Office today and I blew my nose, usuing a Kleenex of course. Of course. and well something left my nose...I felt it leave, ok. And I looked at the Kleenex and there was in fact a hole in it and on the other side of the Kleenex, my hand, but no boogie. This brought to my mind some deal of confusion. And yes, I did do some searching around, but no boogie. So, my only logical conclusion...a rift in the space-time continuum.

Then one night, Simba's father appears to him in a vision;

Mufasa: Simba.
Simba: Father?
Mufasa: Simba, you have forgotten me.
Simba: No! How could I?
Mufasa: You have forgotten who you are and so forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba...you are more than what you have become.
Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are.

--The Lion King, Disney (1994)

Randomness, when attempted by human hands still shows evidence of plan and design.

Observations:

Cillian Murphy(28 Days Later, Red-Eye, Batman Begins) may very well have the best set of eyes of anyone that I have seen, why doesn't he get more recognition?

I am really looking forward to seeing Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Who says Matt Harrell can't have fun at the movie theatre in 2005?

John Cusack(Say Anything, Must Love Dogs, Serendipity) is my nominee for most-eligible, cute and sensitive bachelor in a movie roll.

2005 must be the year to make-an-entirely-new-copy-of-a-previously-succesful-movie-and-market-it-by-a-different-name. (ie- Kingdom of Heaven = Gladiator, Flightplan = Contact)

Crash and I ain't talking about no Dave Matthew's song. I've already said too much.

Equilibrium: lost

I should have posted about this before what I had yesterday, but what I wrote yesterday was just so heavy on my brain I had to get it out.

Anywho, I just got back on Sunday from a what felt like a whirlwhind tour of sorts. A whirlwind 7 city tour(Lincoln, Detroit, Tampa Bay, Orlando, Indianapolis, Minneapolis, Omaha.) A crazy-weird sort of vacation that I think one is only afforded when they are an airline employee. Speaking of which, when you fly standby as you do when you are an airline employee you truly are a second-class citizen of the airport. Seriously, as I sat there in the Detroit airport after getting bumped from 3 different flights to either Tampa or Orlando I thought to myself, I feel like the equivalent of a homeless person in the airport. I mean really, no one really cares about you. If you get bumped from a flight the airline doesn't re-imburse you or put you up in a hotel for the night. If you're lucky, they might help you re-list on a later flight. Hmmm...I guess on a lighter note it did only cost me $40 to fly down and back, so thats a plus!

It was a blast. Leaving from here Friday morning I didn't really have a final destination in mind(although I did have a few narrowed down) and Florida seemed to be as good of place as any with the sun and the beaches and all. So after spending 5 hours in the airport I was off to Tampa Bay, off to tampa bay...on 3 hours of sleep. 2 hours of waiting in the airport for my friend to pick me up then a 2 hour drive back to Orlando. A rather chill evening of just catching up on things in each others lives. Driving around Orlando and seeing the various sights her apartment, downtown disney, etc.... Finding a hotel(the first ever that I have rented) some TV and some sleep.

Wake up call. Saturday morning. Wake, shower, pack, eat and I am off to Animal Kingdom with my good friend Sarah Epperson, where she works. Wow, in retrospect we did SO much at Animal Kingdom in the brief like 5 hours that we were there. The Tree of Life and Its Tough to be a Bug, Tarzan Rocks, The Safari, The Lion King Show, Rafiki's Train Ride thing, ummm.....and Dinoland or Dinosaur Expedition or something. It was all alot of fun, although I was tired. I met my three goals for the trip by Getting out of Omaha, Hanging out in the sun and Hanging out with my friend.

So straight from Animal Kingdom to the airport where I get bumped from one flight before before making it onto an alternative flight to Indianpolis...where there are no more flights home by the time I got there. So I got myself a hotel(#2 if youre counting) and let me tell you King Size Beds are HUGE!!!!! I think that I only saw about a quarter of it the entire time I was there. Sleep. Zonk. I am pooped. 5 hours later. Wake up call, shower, eat, pack and I am back at the airport. Short hop to Minneapolis with 3 hours till my next flight.

What to do? Well, Mall of America is somewhere in this big town. Right? So the obvious answer is to find it and go there. Which I did. (Public Transportation ROCKS!!!!) So yeah, I found a monorail of all things to bring me to the mall and walked around for awhile. Now. To those who think that the Mall of America is big enough that it should require like a week to see all of it. You are all wrong. I think I walked 75% of it in an hour and a half. Mind you, I didn't do much shopping. I didn't really have money or anything pressing to buy and also they closed the super cool toy store that I think took up half of the time we were in the mall with my family a few years ago. I was bummed.

But things go and as such I went back to the airport. To Lincoln, drive to Omaha and sleep!