I feel fat. My saying that should make some realize the lunacy of when they say that statement. It doesnt matter. I played serious ulitimate frisbee tonight with a bunch of people and it was awesome. My chest feels like burning. My legs feel like rocks...more specifically Pop Rocks that if you were to touch water to them they would burst. It was wonderful. Maybe it was the 6 oz. steak that I ate before I played, but I feel fat.

And oddly, outside of my game of frisbee I dont feel that I am talking about my physical body. I am thankful for the body I have, thankful that everything works. Thankful that I am healthy. But I still feel fat. More specifically I think I would say that I feel complacent. Maybe thats it. My mind feels fat, my spirit feels fat, my heart feels fat. Lazy. Complacent.

Complacency is -- A feeling of contentment or self-satisfaction, especially when coupled with an unawareness of danger, trouble, or controversy. Dictionary.com (I even feel complacent in this moment for using a websource dictionary.)

The Grasshopper in the story of the Ants and the Grasshopper was complacent. He put off gathering food for the winter figuring that he had plenty of time. Instead he widdled and fiddled his time away dancing and playing is guitar. The ants toiled on.

Complacency in my mind is a feeling of "I've arrived and I don't have to fight anymore." or "That there is more time to fight later." In my opinion a bad place to be. But that is where I am. Now, trying to fight my way out of it. So many things in my life have changed in the past year. Like I said to a great friend awhile back; "I am miles away from where I was yesterday." I feel that alot of the questions that I had been asking for so long have begun to be answered. I feel more sure of my salvation today than I did a few months ago. That can be a scary place to be.

The Bible says to "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling."(Phil. 2:12)

Too many things can way a man down. Too many things have weighed me down. A very wise woman once said that "Hunger drives a man on." (Shirley Harrell)

I feel that God said to me yesterday; "For that which He hath set free is free indeed. Now walk ye in that freedom." and also, then a little later I feel that He said to me "Don't move until I tell you to move." I guess, I dont know exactley what those mean together yet but I am ready.

Thats what I think its about. Being ready for God to move to tell you too move. Not being weighed down by junk, by things, by whatever...fill in the blank. I think God called us to be warriors and most warriors dont carry their kitchen sink around. Where am I getting with all this? I really don't know. Most of this has just flowed. I don't know that I am telling you to sell all of your possesions and give them to the poor, but Jesus might...and the Bible did. Be ready to move. Because in alot of ways I think that if we are not ready to move on our own.

Then, I think that we will be moved against our wills. If we say that we believe it, mean it.

I don't know what more to say. I would love to hear feedback. halfpastnormal@yahoo.com

I am in the boat too. Lets go together.