Sitting in my parents basement at 2am listening to Rage Against the Machine.

I guess if I were to give you one singular word that best described me as a person at this general time in my life, that word would have to be Confused.

This week has afforded me a most spledid Spring Break. It has been most very relaxing I have been able to spend time with some of my closest friends and I have had opportunity to relax which at times seems to be something that we college folk either forget how to do or dont have time to do. I was actually able to do some recreational reading this week, as opposed to academic reading, which I have not been able to do since Christmas Break.

Sometimes I find myself to be jealous of the monarch butterfly.

(Now to be honest, I wish that I could just leave that statement in all of its blatant ambiguity and crypticness, but alas I will once again oblige and explain myself to you as best I can.)

Now if we all close our eyes and think back to a dark time in our past called elementary school and seeing that dark spot delve even deeper to a darker more hideous recollection elementary science class(oooohhhh...it makes me shudder.) Now if you recall learning anything about monarch butterflies you most likely remember that they have a life cycle. That life cycle starts out as an egg on the under side of a plant leaf and progresses through the stages from the larvae(catepillar), to the pupa(chrysalis), to the adult butterfly that we all know and love.

Now after that most brief review I can see the words forming in your mind..."Why would one envy the life cycle of a monarch butterfly?" and well, I'll tell you. You see, I find myself in a stage of life which I will probably remain in until I die(or am very very old) where I find myself in a constant state of change(to borrow the biology term metamorphoses.) Almost 3 years I graduated high school and in the time since I have been to Romania twice for a period of 4 and a half months. I have sustained an overtime work schedule working for a number of months at about 70 hours a week, I have attended college now for 3 non-consecutive semesters and in between there somewhere I moved out of my parents house and lived on my own for most of a year. None of that said to toot my own horn, all of that said to express in words how my world has changed through this progression of uncertain soil (and these physical or location changes dont bring into account some of the philosophical or ideological changes that have gone with that territory which often better exemplify the change better than the apparent location change.)

With that, the envy that I have of the butterfly is that there is a set end for a butterflies maturation, a place where the butterfly will not develop any further. Unfortunatley we don't have a model for what the endpoint of our development will be as people. Rather we have an idea as to what a man should be as he grows up but really I dont think that there will ever be a place where I can say; "Oh this is where I stop." So I say that knowing this, I'am still in a place of learning, of development I always will be and I'am growing but sometimes not at the rate that people would like me to be and I'am sorry for that. Please have patience with me.

Now, the reason that I do not envy the butterfly life cycle, their average life span is only 10 months.



For your viewing pleasure (and to accredit the momentary research that I did on the monarch butterfly I have added this link to a wonderful diagram of the monarch butterflies life cycle. ENJOY.