I don't know if anyone still checks this blog at any great interval. I guess maybe thats the appeal of it tonight. The chance that I may be writing for myself. The rest of the world has gone the way of the future, Myspace.

I'am tired. Very tired. Maybe it's cause I have a huge mid-term tommorow morning at 9:30 that I feel covers way too much information to be covered in one test. I am tired. And empty. And lonely. Sometimes.....I wonder. The problem with myself however is that I realize how inconsequential my life really is in the scheme of things to actually talk to people about it. Maybe its a "trust" complex. I dont know. I have a hard time telling people where I really am. I hurt. I dont know who to turn to. My best friend is in KC at a 24/7 prayer meeting. My other close friend is moving to Omaha, I dont know if he knows where his life is going either. I dont, my life. I am so ready for graduation. I feel myself coming out of college more and more every day. This four year existence that at times has meant so much will shortly be sloughed off. Will I cheer on that day, will I cry or will I simply stand, staring forward, blank faced, expressionless, wondering who I really am in this overwhelming crowd of red-clad graduates. Is this what John Ferguson felt like in the top of the bell tower in Vertigo. Is it sad that many of my life experiences come from movies? When I fall, not if, will there be anyone to catch me? Will my quiet sleeping mind hold back the tears?

I hope no one reads this.

The past two weeks have been mind blowing. Probably more in the bad sense than the good sense. There is so much going on, so much that I really don't want that I don't have time or energy to focus on what I want to. Some days the razor's edge is so sharp, others it feels so dull. Don't worry thats imagery for my brain state than anything denoting cutting.

My thesis film is moving along. Starting to. Auditions are on Oct. 10th here in Lincoln. I'll probably have something in Omaha too. I need old men, two of them need to be portly, jolly. If you know people...let a brother know.

English class, Writing of Fiction actually feels more like a support group than a class. People using their soapbox to talk about their problems or their desires. Hmmm...sounds alot like what I am doing.

I haven't gotten more than 6 hours of sleep in the past 5 nights, my average is 4.

Aesthetics class is hyper-pretentious. I think there are principles that you can apply to art. But, beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. You can't make a rule without exceptions. Art and art criticism are so subjective. You can't write a philosophical criticism on art theory without having holes.

I am looking forward to this weekend and it starts tonight!

peace,

matt

p.s. - I am going to post this on my other blog, so don't go there expecting anythign different.

If you've already read this in email form please feel free to not have to read it again. Also, feel free to not complain about reading about my life twice.

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My Bike and I

So, I put my bike back together today.

I haven't seen it since May 17th, when a bike shop in Boise, ID. put her in a box and shipped her back here. I've been on crutches since then. I've had knee surgery since then, and am recovering. I am off crutches! Which is the main reason for writing. Finally, 7 weeks after surgery and after 11 weeks on crutches I am once again a bipod. I am still recovering, mind you, still in physical therapy. I have a difficult time lifting my leg to a 90 degree bend behind me. But I am walking and I will take that any day over having to crutch. My therapist tells me that it should be about a week and I'll be walking normally. Then, I can begin adding other forms of exercise. First on the list, biking.

Me and my bike have a very special relationship. As soon as I can pass legislation observing the union declaring man and bike, it will be so. Not many people can say they've biked across Oregon. I had hoped to bike further. But I am young. There is next summer, and the summer after that. Speaking of next summer, there has already been talk about a trip down the west coast. Start at the Canadian border and find the Mexican border along highway 101 (or whatever it is - along the coast.) How frickin sweet would that be? We'll see.

First things first, learn how to walk again. Start school in two weeks. Start biking again. It's gonna be a great year.

peace,

matt

They say that when enough force acts on a body that body is prone to crack.

I started Physical Therapy today and they told me that I should be able to walk again, on my own by August 3rd. 13 days. I'll be the first to tell you that I am excited. After 10 weeks on crutches I am ready to walk away...literally. My only question is, why couldnt I be off the crutches 6 days earlier so that I could walk down the aisle at my brother's wedding on my own volition. Hey, crutching down the aisle is classy right? Right? sigh....

School starts again 3 weeks after the wedding, I am whole heartedly looking forward to that. To take my mind off this summer, definitely unless someone disagrees, a summer to forget. This fall I'll be living in a small, on campus apartment sort of a deal. It should be alot of fun, my roomates....pretty much the coolest cats around. I'll also be a senior. Woo Woo! Soon to face the harsh realities of "real life" outside the protective confines of the academic setting. Bring it on. This year will pretty much focus on my double minor - Creative Writing and Film Studies, as well as finishing my major - Film Production - namely my thesis film. I THINK that I have my script picked out and if this is in fact that one I end up shooting, it should be alot of fun. It is called "Off Broadway," I'd call it a clever comedy. But then again, I wrote it, talk about biased media. I am currently working on adapting it from its current format as a stageplay into a screenplay. Does anyone have a music copyright connection with Thom Yorke and Radiohead? I will also be looking to fund this shoot as I want to shoot in High Definition or on Film, so...if you are, or know anyone who is interested in funding...er...helping launch a current student artist...please let me know. I am ready to talk. ;-)

Other than that, yeah, I guess there's not alot. It's been kind of a slow moment in my life. I guess, thinking about it, that would probably be the theme of the summer - slowing down. Biking through Oregon at 10mph, now crutching through life at .... real slow, Ok. The beauty of patience comes to mind. Patience and simplicity.

Out on the road my brother and I carried everything we needed with us in small trailers attached to our bikes. It was awesome. You don't get a sense of needing more, when you have everything that you need. I had two jerseys, two matching jerseys - so there weren't the options of what to wear? We carried our tents with us and if it rained...you were lulled to sleep by the delicate percussion of the falling rain. The first thing that I noticed upon getting back home (with injury) is that life here travels so amazingly fast. "Break neck" fast. Nate and I often, noted how nice, friendly and helpful people in small towns were and how nice the slower pace of life would be.

Technology has turned us into a culture of consumers hungry to consume NOW NOW NOW!!! I don't think that this is a healthy outlook. The technology that is supposed to "draw us closer to one another." I would say has given us the proper means by which to canyon ourselves off from the rest of the world. Technology is, just that...so cold and impersonable, and yet I can get online and learn more about them on their myspace page than I might learn in-person. It isn't any wonder to me that the "upper-class" are often less happy with life than those who don't have as much. Everything that we own somehow ends up owning us.

I don't exactely know at what point this turned from being a brief thought to somewhat of a rant, but it concerns me to think of the repercussions if we continue to live at the level of affluence that we do. It scares me when Stephen Hawking poses the question; "In a world that is in chaos politically, socially and environmentally, how can the human race sustain another 100 years?" WOW. I dunno, I am not going to claim to have all (or any) of the answers. But I think that a slower paced and more patient world would be for the better.

Here we go, have a great night.

peace,

matt

Hey,

So tonight - I looked, and there before me was struch by a feeling akin to awe. A sight, something that I had not seen in awhile. I looked, and as things fell into focus and my eyes adjusted, rubbing them once in awhile to make sure I was not hallucinating. I looked, and there amongst the swelling I saw what looked like the outline of my knee cap! Amazing.

So yeah, surgery was last friday the 16th. So just in case you have not heard how that went, were curious and have the patience to sit through my whimsical ramblings.

When the got in, they found there were actually three tears instead of one, as well as finding that some of the cartilage had begun to pull away from the bone. So, they did what they do and repaired it all, I really dont know how, I am not a doctor, nor was I there. I was, at the time happily unconcious on the table miles away from where I actually was.

So now, recovery. 6-8 weeks "non-weigh bearing" - means that; Dude can't put his foot down. It's like playing "dont touch the floor" as a child. Where you had to jump/climb from furniture to furniture to avoid touching the floor, yeah, its like playing that with just one foot. One week down, 5-7 to go. I hate crutches! It really has been tough at times. I am trying to maintain a positive attitude, but everything becomes a process. It's frustrating.

Everyone says that this is happening for a reason and that reason will become clear someday, I understand, but have a heard time seeing it sometimes. I guess, someday it will be clear-er. So for now I am doing alot of reading, writing and watching movies, feel free to come and join me. It's a blast let me tell ya!

Hey, anyone want to have a "crutchless" party 5-7 weeks from now?

peace,

matt

"To infinity and beyond!"
-Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story

An email I sent out this morning.

Hello, As usual I hope that everything with you is going well. With an email titled "surgery" I can't really admit that it is going as planned for myself.

I am scheduled for Arthoscopic knee surgery on this Friday, June 16th 2006 at 10am. I have to be there at 8:30am for preparations and what not. This may come as a shock to some of you and so I thought I should inform you BEFORE surgery.

A month ago I was setting off on the large adventure of biking across the US. I didn't make it. One month ago from this coming friday(the day of my surgery) my brother(Nate) and I, were working on what would have been a 78 mile day. At the time of the accident we were just starting up the second pass of the day(Drinking Water Pass, in Oregon --- the first pass was called Stinking Water Pass...we did not attempt to drink water from either.) As we began our ascent of the second pass, I got a flat tire, this happens - not frequently, but often enough. So I hop of my bike and set out to start fixing the flat. Removing the tire, tube etc....setting out a new one. So, down in a crouched position on the cement I am pumping up the new tube when the stem blows off, this doesn't happen frequently. So, half out of suprise and half out of knowing that I am going to need to get another tube I quickly popped up....and so did my knee. I don't know if I audibly heard the pop, but I felt it. I felt it alot. So, we make work of hitching a ride to Boise, ID. (thanks Scott and Fam.) and the next day I hop....er...hobble on a bus toward Omaha. The dissapointing end to a very much anticipated and planned for summer. Doctor appointments and blood clot diagnosis, finger sticks and MRI's confirm I have a torn miniscus (left knee) and a blood clot (left ankle.) So, I've been on blood thinners for the past couple weeks and have surgery on Friday (for which I have been off blood thinners for the past couple days so I don't leak all out...in case you were worried.)

So...this has all been quite the change of plans for my brother and I. He rode on from Boise, arriving in Omaha, NE. last week and has called it quits on account of costing more money being alone. So we're back "home" I think we both feel the adventure of crossing the country still in us. Next Summer...? Surgery first. So if you guys think of it, I would covet your thoughts and prayers as I go in on Friday. I will bike again. :-)

peace and love,

matt

"Weddings make women beautiful."
-Observation from Andrew and Melanie Hrivnaks' wedding.

Ok, this isn't some sort of observation coming from my brain with anyselfish goal in mind. This was simply an observation that I made that I think lines up with the character, personality and wiring of women. The bride. Beautiful, innocent, pure. The white dress. This is every young girls childhood dream. Girls spend their early childhood playing "wedding," they wait for their "knight in shining armour" for this day. The day when they can feel secure in his arms.

To Andrew and Melanie, I love you guys alot. I stand behind you and will be there for you. The wedding was great. Interesting for me as it was now the wedding of a close friend. Odd? yes. Happy? yes. Jealous? ...maybe, but she's out there somewhere and I feel it is written on a young man's heart to go out and find her.

peace,

matt

onedaywhenthingsareover

Why is it.....?

sometimes God makes so much sense.
othertimes God doesn't make much sense at all,
why is it that in these times that he seems forever away.

living the christian life is difficult,
often, non-christians seem to do a better job at "loving thy neighbor" than christians,
why?

why is hypocrisy so easy?
why is trust so difficult?
what is faith?

peace,

matt

Well, if you had not heard - I am back. Unfortunatley? Fortunately? Depends on who you talk to. I personally would prefer to be where I was, touring the country under my own power, on bike. It was awesome, I feel that I will one day complete the journey. Until then....I think it will be nice to be able to get back on here and be able to write with a little less.....levity, for personal expression. Enjoy. Enjoy? We'll see.

So I just finished Terrence Malick's The New World; A very good film. I enjoyed it. The story per Malick's obvious direction often prefered the poetic to the natural or realistic. The editing was at times jarring(again, perhaps for effect) in the end a beautiful and subtle tormented love story that almost had as much to do with the culture as it did the personal differences between the lovers. Q'Orianka Kilcher as Pocahontas was excellent, subtle, implcit, hidden, beautiful. Collin Farrell earned back some of his acting chops after Alexander (or should I credit his make-up artist?) but it is still hard to not think of him wearing Pravda, stuck in a NYC phone booth. The rest of the cast did really well. James Horner's musical composition was adequately beautiful. It was there, it underscored, it set mood....it didn't quite excel for me. But then again what do I know? Overall a good and enjoyable film from a master of old school filmmaking, Terrence Malick knows how to tell a moving story, while avoiding cliche and spectacle.

Thats all,

peace,

matt

I will not be posting here until my return, to hear about our hi-jinx visit rideofpassage.blogspot.com

To all of my faithful, loyal and appreciated readers;

I am not currently here, I am biking across the country and it seemed appropriate to launch a new blog just for that purpose. So if you wait five seconds you will be redirected.

....

.....

Ok, if your're still waiting, you're not going to be re-directed. Do you actually think I am that High-tech?!

but you can totally feel free to manually click here and it will take you right there. Also, the address is as follows; rideofpassage.blogspot.com

peace,

matt

Relating to zombies.
or
Lack of sleep takes its toll.

It has been a long day. It has also been a four city day. I started off in Detroit, MI. at 4am this morning and ended up in Lincoln, NE. via Chicago, IL. and Omaha, NE, all in 5 hours. It has been a long weekend. Very good, great experience. I was working with the ol' production company doing videography for the Bravo national dance competition. It was pretty cool, this week I was more than less in charge of the technical end of production. It all went fairly smoothly. 314 dance routines and only 2 lost entirely, neither were my fault(one was the sound guy's fault, the other was a power shortage...and moment of complete panic.) Great experience. I worked almost 40 hours in 3 days and slept...maybe 12. OI! That's nuts. Now it is Monday of dead week, projects are stacking themselves up, jockeying for my immediate attention, my attention wanes to thoughts of sleep and or biking across America in just under 2 weeks. Thursday night I have a gig through my agency, before leaving for LA.

Speaking of biking across the country. We are doing so in support of Word Made Flesh and The Hope Center for Kids, both are out of Omaha. The Hope Center is a purpose-breathing, day-club for children of inner-city Omaha. WMF works internationally speaking life to the poorest of the poor. The link for pledging your support to Word Made Flesh is up now on my bike trip journal a ride of passage (www.rideofpassage.blogspot.com)
the link for pledging to The Hope Center will be up any day now.

Also! We will be having a going away/fundraising with 100% of donations going to these local charities. So, that goes down on at 6pm on Thursday May 4th at my loving parents house in Omaha, NE. I would love if you could all be there. I would love to see you before I leave. Their address is 11442 Queens Dr. Omaha, NE. 68164. If you need directions please call me(402)730-4823, email me, halfpastnormal@yahoo.com or mapquest.com them.

To my friends,

Hey on May 6th my brother(Nate) and I will be leaving for a 2 and a half month bike trip across America. I will be keeping an online journal for both my own posterity, your enjoyment and my mom's peace of mind. So if you want to check that out it is at rideofpassage.blogspot.com

So there it is, check it out and drop me a line. We are doing this as a benefit to The Hope Center for Kids in Omaha as well as Word Made Flesh, both are non-profit organizations that are focusing on making our world a better place. The Hope Center is doing this in inner-city Omaha and Word Made Flesh has 8 locations around the world. Both of these organizations are very close to my heart. I was a summer intern at Hope a few years ago, and I went to Romania with WMF after high school.

We are having a fundraising potluck on May 3rd or 4th at my parents house in Omaha. I would love if you could make it out and see us off. I will be dropping more information here as we get closer to that time. You will also be able to donate to both charaties on my blog, soonly.

peace,

matt

So, I just got back from my first trip to New York. I was there with my job, a production company that does videography and photography for a touring dance competition. So I was in New York City working. Today was just hung out in the city all day.

I feel like I saw the preview and now I want to spend my $6 and see the whole thing. I wanna go back. We saw Times Square and ate around there, then we bummed around Chinatown for awhile, then went to Ground Zero (which was really more impactful than I thought it would be...since I wasnt in America when 9-11 happened it gave me a visual face to put with a name...wow!) Then we went to the finanical district and saw the stock exchange....then had beers in a cool little lounge before flying home. A fast tour, really cool. There are so many textures in NYC, its like sensory overload. The city, pulses. It is almost alive. Very cool. I wanna go back!

Now, for sleep, I've slept 18 hours in the past 3 nights (4,4, 4 and 6) and I am pooped. Night.

Just go to bed Matt.......


Just go to bed Matt, it will all go Aw ay tom mo r o.....

Watching Jean-Luc Goddard's Classic A bout de Souffle (Breathless);

Patricia Franchini: What is your greatest ambition in life?
Pavulesco: To become immortal, then die.

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We're off to start shooting our first film project of the year, a lightsabre duel on top of the Mahoney State Park observation tower, at night. Wish us luck.

note: it's really rough. It just came out last night as I was talking to a friend about relationships

Falling through space as I gaze into your face
Grasping for straws as we fall through the canyon

I try to make amends, try to sew it all together
dont know how to live, to make our life better

I am lost and I am drowning, forgotten in a sea of people
'where is the land', no one seems to know

falling, flailing is this how its all gonna end?
blind leading blind, the fallen aiding those falling

sunk and leading the lowly
sometimes I think if only
I could see your face
I'd know my place

'where is the land.' no one seems to know
running a race with my arms outstretched
and my body doubled over.

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(Outstreched)
copyright 2006
matt harrell

My life is going crazy, let me count the ways;

Tommorow I have an audition in Omaha at 4:30 - I have to be back in Lincoln at 7pm.

Monday applications, resumes and cover letters are due for Resident Assistant application for next year.

Next week I am meeting with a guy about a paid traveling gig doing videography/photography for a touring dance troupe.

I am taking cycling classes 3 times a week as well as an aerobics class at the REC center for what might be my craziest summer yet.

All that in addition to classes!!!!!!

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OH YEAH!!!! ......(In addendum to my last post)

I also thought about We're Back! A Dinosaur Story and how much more believable the animation in that was compared to the CG in King Kong, (for the record We're Back is a cartoon animated childrens film.)

Just went and saw Peter Jackson's King Kong, these are the movies that I thought about while watching it. I mean come on I hat 187 minutes to think. Also, I just read that the version that was released in the Philippines was only 108 minutes. Something tells me they got the better version. ;-)

Jurassic Park: I think we all know why. The reason that JP was what it was is because all the dinosaurs were animatronic.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: At age 9 Peter Jackson saw the original King Kong(1933) for the first time and thats what made him want to direc., I think he also had a small inkling to remake this Rick Moranis classic(reference the huge ginormous bug scene).

Lord of the Rings(I-III): I think Peter Jackson is coming down from his LOTR high, and the withdrawl isn't pretty. They never are. I think about half of Kong was stock footage taken from the LOTR cutting room floor.

Batman(1989): Universal Studios made Batman into a killer ride, I smell park admission being in high demand with the upcoming Kong! the ride. (Please, note we already have a JP the ride.)

The Fugitive: Don't remember exactley why I thought of this, but I did and; "Wow Fugitive was a great movie! and Hey, no Computer Graphic monkeys." Hmmmm....Peter Jackson lets see a 90 minute film some time soon.

Brokeback Mountain: Another movie that I just saw this week, interesting comparisons in theme....loneliness, dirty apes...... Ang Lee has a much better cinematic eye. Also, thank you to Talk Soup for your Brokeback Kong satire, this provided me with all the humour I needed to make it through Kong(2005).

King Kong (1933): Subtlety. Anne Darrow and Kong's relationship was limited to Kong pulling Anne's dress off her shoulder, thats it! I believed their relationship in the new one thanks to Andy Serkis but would agree that it was unneccesary. Speaking of believeing things; a note on CG I think I believed the rear-screen projection and claymation of the original Kong(1933) more than I did the CG Kong and other various mammothly huge creatures in this one.

The Emperor's New Groove: Ok, so the whole vine-swinging-mid-air T-rex battle made me laugh about as much as the similar scene with David Spade, almost as believable too.

King Kong (1976): Charles Grodin makes this a film you can't miss when seeing yet another version of Kong. Yes, that makes this year's version the third for this story. Excessive? I think so. Does this mean that Hollywood has just run out of ideas? 2 of the 3 previews shown before Kong(2005) were also for remakes, you make the call.

running away to save myself the pain.

Schedules are the antagonist of creativity.

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!! Who'dve thought that it's already 2006?! Any body else feel like they are getting old?

So....I guess the most refreshing thing about my new year's experience was this overwhelming sense that I got that this is in alot of ways a chance for a new beggining. There is just a sense of new life and new growth as you enter a new year, a chance to change, a chance to grow.

Now, I've never been a fan of new year's resolutions. As a matter of fact the last resolution that I made was about 7 years ago when I resolved not to make any resolutions. Hmmm.... How clever I was! I guess, I just never wanted to look the potential of failure straight in the face with something that everyone seems to break. It's probably either my fear of failure or my fear of commital. But something feels different this year and as such my new years resolutions:

To spend more time reading.
To spend more time writing.
To spend less time on Instant Messenger, significantly less time.
To spend more time reading the Bible.
To spend more time with people.

Someone once said "Garbage in, Garbage out." So with that I want to be very intentional with the inputs I allow. I also want to manage my time more closely so as to increase my creative output (maybe even learning guitar.)

Here's to change!


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The Glazing of my Brain