We'll see where this goes.

I have this awkward disposition toward believing that all humans are intrinsically valuable, and should have the inalienable right to remain alive.

Just some thoughts I've been struggling through lately. I am reading this book by E. Stanley Jones called; Christ's Alternative to Communism. He is a christian author and the book was written in 1935, at the height of the rise of communism in the east. It's crazy to think about what this world would be like if they had won, if we had lost. But would it be?

Jones says; "For our chief world-sickness is this, we are trying to respond to world unity while our economic life is based on competition."

Competition/Correspondence or cooperation. The thing that tears at me here is two systems who are in apparent conflict with each other. The system, in which we live, society or the other, system or "realm" God's system.

I think God's system says "others first" and our world's system says, "me first." Where's the rub? What is the relation of the two? What are we called to? If we are called to be "in the world but not of the world", and yet we continue to live just like the world does, what does that make us?

Ghandi once said; "If Christian's truly knew the gift they had received in Jesus they would crawl around the world on their hands and knees in order to share that gift with others."

E. Stanley Jones said; "Neccesities should be provided for all, before luxuries are provided for any."

What are we called to? What is our response to the lack in the world around us? What is my response to the lack in my own heart?

other things I love about chicago

I dont know if it was the rain, the band or the chicago jazz symphony but I got the chills at least four times while standing in the rain at Millenium park listening to the Decemberists play with the Chicago Jazz Orchestra. Absolutley amazing.

Seventy or so bikers, Approximately 35 miles an hour, a 9/10 mile track that ran right in front of my apartment. So there was a professional bike race today. Mens and Womens divisions about 7 races in all, ending in the pro certified mens race, which pitted about 70 men and their 12-14 pound machines against each other. It was pretty incredible. I smiled alot, alot and I think I almost cried at one point just cause I was so happy. I only wish someone had been here to experience it with me.....sigh....

So its been along time since I've done this, so I am gonna skip all of the introductory chit-chat since as we all know I am relatively awkward at small talk anyway. (Or if you didn't now you do and next time you see me or talk to me you can make fun of me for it.)

Life is insane! This is a statement that I will stand by. I don't know when I last sent out one of these big and crazy update emails but alot of stuff has probably happened since then. So we'll skip all of that and move into whats going on now and whats coming up.

First of all, it is Spring Break, Spring Break of my senior year in college. This is nuts! Eight weeks from now I'll be an alumnus with a piece of paper. What does that mean? I feel like this is the end of the human canon and we all wait and watch and hope I can fly. I have a better metaphor something along the lines of child-birth, but I don't want to weird anyone out. (Use your imagination.)

I have been working hard, along with about a 25 person cast and crew (who have all been most phenomenal!) on finishing my senior thesis film, Off Broadway. I am very excited to see it come to completion and hope that you all will come out to see it. Mark your calendars the premier will be toward the end of April here in Lincoln. I'll let you know as we get closer.

This coming week I am going with 6 other senior film majors to LA, we will be going with a professor of ours who has connections there. We will be touring a few of the studio lots out there as well as meeting many producers, directors and writers. We will be visiting the Deadwood set and will be on set for a partial day's shooting of the show Grey's Anatomy (you may have heard of it....I've not seen a full episode.) I am obviously very excited about this. I'll get back to you guys with how this all goes.

Plans? The future? The ever popular question right now. And, I don't know. I kind of think that I have the rest of my life to do whatever it is that I am going to do for the rest of my life, so whats the rush (sorry if you've heard me say that a million or a half times.) I am applying for a few different internships both in LA and in Portland, OR. Interesting? Yes, we'll see. I'll let you know. There is also the possibility of my being involved on a documentary in Kenya, Africa. Crazy. I know.

So to an extent, there's alot going on, and amidst all that school, oh yeah, did I mention that I am an RA. Are there only 24 hours in a day?

I have been enjoying writing alot lately. I will actually be graduating with a minor in english. So I've been doing quite a bit of lately. So I have a small (and growing) collection of scripts and short stories. If you ever want to read anything, well, lets talk.

Sorry its been so long. Sorry this email is so impersonal. I hate that about electronic communication (it takes the heart out of it.) I would love to sit down and talk with all of you at some point. Feel free to shoot me an email, I always love that. Or call with a time that you'd like to do coffee.

peace and love and so on!

matt

I don't know if anyone still checks this blog at any great interval. I guess maybe thats the appeal of it tonight. The chance that I may be writing for myself. The rest of the world has gone the way of the future, Myspace.

I'am tired. Very tired. Maybe it's cause I have a huge mid-term tommorow morning at 9:30 that I feel covers way too much information to be covered in one test. I am tired. And empty. And lonely. Sometimes.....I wonder. The problem with myself however is that I realize how inconsequential my life really is in the scheme of things to actually talk to people about it. Maybe its a "trust" complex. I dont know. I have a hard time telling people where I really am. I hurt. I dont know who to turn to. My best friend is in KC at a 24/7 prayer meeting. My other close friend is moving to Omaha, I dont know if he knows where his life is going either. I dont, my life. I am so ready for graduation. I feel myself coming out of college more and more every day. This four year existence that at times has meant so much will shortly be sloughed off. Will I cheer on that day, will I cry or will I simply stand, staring forward, blank faced, expressionless, wondering who I really am in this overwhelming crowd of red-clad graduates. Is this what John Ferguson felt like in the top of the bell tower in Vertigo. Is it sad that many of my life experiences come from movies? When I fall, not if, will there be anyone to catch me? Will my quiet sleeping mind hold back the tears?

I hope no one reads this.

The past two weeks have been mind blowing. Probably more in the bad sense than the good sense. There is so much going on, so much that I really don't want that I don't have time or energy to focus on what I want to. Some days the razor's edge is so sharp, others it feels so dull. Don't worry thats imagery for my brain state than anything denoting cutting.

My thesis film is moving along. Starting to. Auditions are on Oct. 10th here in Lincoln. I'll probably have something in Omaha too. I need old men, two of them need to be portly, jolly. If you know people...let a brother know.

English class, Writing of Fiction actually feels more like a support group than a class. People using their soapbox to talk about their problems or their desires. Hmmm...sounds alot like what I am doing.

I haven't gotten more than 6 hours of sleep in the past 5 nights, my average is 4.

Aesthetics class is hyper-pretentious. I think there are principles that you can apply to art. But, beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. You can't make a rule without exceptions. Art and art criticism are so subjective. You can't write a philosophical criticism on art theory without having holes.

I am looking forward to this weekend and it starts tonight!

peace,

matt

p.s. - I am going to post this on my other blog, so don't go there expecting anythign different.

If you've already read this in email form please feel free to not have to read it again. Also, feel free to not complain about reading about my life twice.

---

My Bike and I

So, I put my bike back together today.

I haven't seen it since May 17th, when a bike shop in Boise, ID. put her in a box and shipped her back here. I've been on crutches since then. I've had knee surgery since then, and am recovering. I am off crutches! Which is the main reason for writing. Finally, 7 weeks after surgery and after 11 weeks on crutches I am once again a bipod. I am still recovering, mind you, still in physical therapy. I have a difficult time lifting my leg to a 90 degree bend behind me. But I am walking and I will take that any day over having to crutch. My therapist tells me that it should be about a week and I'll be walking normally. Then, I can begin adding other forms of exercise. First on the list, biking.

Me and my bike have a very special relationship. As soon as I can pass legislation observing the union declaring man and bike, it will be so. Not many people can say they've biked across Oregon. I had hoped to bike further. But I am young. There is next summer, and the summer after that. Speaking of next summer, there has already been talk about a trip down the west coast. Start at the Canadian border and find the Mexican border along highway 101 (or whatever it is - along the coast.) How frickin sweet would that be? We'll see.

First things first, learn how to walk again. Start school in two weeks. Start biking again. It's gonna be a great year.

peace,

matt

They say that when enough force acts on a body that body is prone to crack.

I started Physical Therapy today and they told me that I should be able to walk again, on my own by August 3rd. 13 days. I'll be the first to tell you that I am excited. After 10 weeks on crutches I am ready to walk away...literally. My only question is, why couldnt I be off the crutches 6 days earlier so that I could walk down the aisle at my brother's wedding on my own volition. Hey, crutching down the aisle is classy right? Right? sigh....

School starts again 3 weeks after the wedding, I am whole heartedly looking forward to that. To take my mind off this summer, definitely unless someone disagrees, a summer to forget. This fall I'll be living in a small, on campus apartment sort of a deal. It should be alot of fun, my roomates....pretty much the coolest cats around. I'll also be a senior. Woo Woo! Soon to face the harsh realities of "real life" outside the protective confines of the academic setting. Bring it on. This year will pretty much focus on my double minor - Creative Writing and Film Studies, as well as finishing my major - Film Production - namely my thesis film. I THINK that I have my script picked out and if this is in fact that one I end up shooting, it should be alot of fun. It is called "Off Broadway," I'd call it a clever comedy. But then again, I wrote it, talk about biased media. I am currently working on adapting it from its current format as a stageplay into a screenplay. Does anyone have a music copyright connection with Thom Yorke and Radiohead? I will also be looking to fund this shoot as I want to shoot in High Definition or on Film, so...if you are, or know anyone who is interested in funding...er...helping launch a current student artist...please let me know. I am ready to talk. ;-)

Other than that, yeah, I guess there's not alot. It's been kind of a slow moment in my life. I guess, thinking about it, that would probably be the theme of the summer - slowing down. Biking through Oregon at 10mph, now crutching through life at .... real slow, Ok. The beauty of patience comes to mind. Patience and simplicity.

Out on the road my brother and I carried everything we needed with us in small trailers attached to our bikes. It was awesome. You don't get a sense of needing more, when you have everything that you need. I had two jerseys, two matching jerseys - so there weren't the options of what to wear? We carried our tents with us and if it rained...you were lulled to sleep by the delicate percussion of the falling rain. The first thing that I noticed upon getting back home (with injury) is that life here travels so amazingly fast. "Break neck" fast. Nate and I often, noted how nice, friendly and helpful people in small towns were and how nice the slower pace of life would be.

Technology has turned us into a culture of consumers hungry to consume NOW NOW NOW!!! I don't think that this is a healthy outlook. The technology that is supposed to "draw us closer to one another." I would say has given us the proper means by which to canyon ourselves off from the rest of the world. Technology is, just that...so cold and impersonable, and yet I can get online and learn more about them on their myspace page than I might learn in-person. It isn't any wonder to me that the "upper-class" are often less happy with life than those who don't have as much. Everything that we own somehow ends up owning us.

I don't exactely know at what point this turned from being a brief thought to somewhat of a rant, but it concerns me to think of the repercussions if we continue to live at the level of affluence that we do. It scares me when Stephen Hawking poses the question; "In a world that is in chaos politically, socially and environmentally, how can the human race sustain another 100 years?" WOW. I dunno, I am not going to claim to have all (or any) of the answers. But I think that a slower paced and more patient world would be for the better.

Here we go, have a great night.

peace,

matt

Hey,

So tonight - I looked, and there before me was struch by a feeling akin to awe. A sight, something that I had not seen in awhile. I looked, and as things fell into focus and my eyes adjusted, rubbing them once in awhile to make sure I was not hallucinating. I looked, and there amongst the swelling I saw what looked like the outline of my knee cap! Amazing.

So yeah, surgery was last friday the 16th. So just in case you have not heard how that went, were curious and have the patience to sit through my whimsical ramblings.

When the got in, they found there were actually three tears instead of one, as well as finding that some of the cartilage had begun to pull away from the bone. So, they did what they do and repaired it all, I really dont know how, I am not a doctor, nor was I there. I was, at the time happily unconcious on the table miles away from where I actually was.

So now, recovery. 6-8 weeks "non-weigh bearing" - means that; Dude can't put his foot down. It's like playing "dont touch the floor" as a child. Where you had to jump/climb from furniture to furniture to avoid touching the floor, yeah, its like playing that with just one foot. One week down, 5-7 to go. I hate crutches! It really has been tough at times. I am trying to maintain a positive attitude, but everything becomes a process. It's frustrating.

Everyone says that this is happening for a reason and that reason will become clear someday, I understand, but have a heard time seeing it sometimes. I guess, someday it will be clear-er. So for now I am doing alot of reading, writing and watching movies, feel free to come and join me. It's a blast let me tell ya!

Hey, anyone want to have a "crutchless" party 5-7 weeks from now?

peace,

matt

"To infinity and beyond!"
-Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story

An email I sent out this morning.

Hello, As usual I hope that everything with you is going well. With an email titled "surgery" I can't really admit that it is going as planned for myself.

I am scheduled for Arthoscopic knee surgery on this Friday, June 16th 2006 at 10am. I have to be there at 8:30am for preparations and what not. This may come as a shock to some of you and so I thought I should inform you BEFORE surgery.

A month ago I was setting off on the large adventure of biking across the US. I didn't make it. One month ago from this coming friday(the day of my surgery) my brother(Nate) and I, were working on what would have been a 78 mile day. At the time of the accident we were just starting up the second pass of the day(Drinking Water Pass, in Oregon --- the first pass was called Stinking Water Pass...we did not attempt to drink water from either.) As we began our ascent of the second pass, I got a flat tire, this happens - not frequently, but often enough. So I hop of my bike and set out to start fixing the flat. Removing the tire, tube etc....setting out a new one. So, down in a crouched position on the cement I am pumping up the new tube when the stem blows off, this doesn't happen frequently. So, half out of suprise and half out of knowing that I am going to need to get another tube I quickly popped up....and so did my knee. I don't know if I audibly heard the pop, but I felt it. I felt it alot. So, we make work of hitching a ride to Boise, ID. (thanks Scott and Fam.) and the next day I hop....er...hobble on a bus toward Omaha. The dissapointing end to a very much anticipated and planned for summer. Doctor appointments and blood clot diagnosis, finger sticks and MRI's confirm I have a torn miniscus (left knee) and a blood clot (left ankle.) So, I've been on blood thinners for the past couple weeks and have surgery on Friday (for which I have been off blood thinners for the past couple days so I don't leak all out...in case you were worried.)

So...this has all been quite the change of plans for my brother and I. He rode on from Boise, arriving in Omaha, NE. last week and has called it quits on account of costing more money being alone. So we're back "home" I think we both feel the adventure of crossing the country still in us. Next Summer...? Surgery first. So if you guys think of it, I would covet your thoughts and prayers as I go in on Friday. I will bike again. :-)

peace and love,

matt

"Weddings make women beautiful."
-Observation from Andrew and Melanie Hrivnaks' wedding.

Ok, this isn't some sort of observation coming from my brain with anyselfish goal in mind. This was simply an observation that I made that I think lines up with the character, personality and wiring of women. The bride. Beautiful, innocent, pure. The white dress. This is every young girls childhood dream. Girls spend their early childhood playing "wedding," they wait for their "knight in shining armour" for this day. The day when they can feel secure in his arms.

To Andrew and Melanie, I love you guys alot. I stand behind you and will be there for you. The wedding was great. Interesting for me as it was now the wedding of a close friend. Odd? yes. Happy? yes. Jealous? ...maybe, but she's out there somewhere and I feel it is written on a young man's heart to go out and find her.

peace,

matt

onedaywhenthingsareover

Why is it.....?

sometimes God makes so much sense.
othertimes God doesn't make much sense at all,
why is it that in these times that he seems forever away.

living the christian life is difficult,
often, non-christians seem to do a better job at "loving thy neighbor" than christians,
why?

why is hypocrisy so easy?
why is trust so difficult?
what is faith?

peace,

matt

Well, if you had not heard - I am back. Unfortunatley? Fortunately? Depends on who you talk to. I personally would prefer to be where I was, touring the country under my own power, on bike. It was awesome, I feel that I will one day complete the journey. Until then....I think it will be nice to be able to get back on here and be able to write with a little less.....levity, for personal expression. Enjoy. Enjoy? We'll see.

So I just finished Terrence Malick's The New World; A very good film. I enjoyed it. The story per Malick's obvious direction often prefered the poetic to the natural or realistic. The editing was at times jarring(again, perhaps for effect) in the end a beautiful and subtle tormented love story that almost had as much to do with the culture as it did the personal differences between the lovers. Q'Orianka Kilcher as Pocahontas was excellent, subtle, implcit, hidden, beautiful. Collin Farrell earned back some of his acting chops after Alexander (or should I credit his make-up artist?) but it is still hard to not think of him wearing Pravda, stuck in a NYC phone booth. The rest of the cast did really well. James Horner's musical composition was adequately beautiful. It was there, it underscored, it set mood....it didn't quite excel for me. But then again what do I know? Overall a good and enjoyable film from a master of old school filmmaking, Terrence Malick knows how to tell a moving story, while avoiding cliche and spectacle.

Thats all,

peace,

matt

I will not be posting here until my return, to hear about our hi-jinx visit rideofpassage.blogspot.com

To all of my faithful, loyal and appreciated readers;

I am not currently here, I am biking across the country and it seemed appropriate to launch a new blog just for that purpose. So if you wait five seconds you will be redirected.

....

.....

Ok, if your're still waiting, you're not going to be re-directed. Do you actually think I am that High-tech?!

but you can totally feel free to manually click here and it will take you right there. Also, the address is as follows; rideofpassage.blogspot.com

peace,

matt

Relating to zombies.
or
Lack of sleep takes its toll.

It has been a long day. It has also been a four city day. I started off in Detroit, MI. at 4am this morning and ended up in Lincoln, NE. via Chicago, IL. and Omaha, NE, all in 5 hours. It has been a long weekend. Very good, great experience. I was working with the ol' production company doing videography for the Bravo national dance competition. It was pretty cool, this week I was more than less in charge of the technical end of production. It all went fairly smoothly. 314 dance routines and only 2 lost entirely, neither were my fault(one was the sound guy's fault, the other was a power shortage...and moment of complete panic.) Great experience. I worked almost 40 hours in 3 days and slept...maybe 12. OI! That's nuts. Now it is Monday of dead week, projects are stacking themselves up, jockeying for my immediate attention, my attention wanes to thoughts of sleep and or biking across America in just under 2 weeks. Thursday night I have a gig through my agency, before leaving for LA.

Speaking of biking across the country. We are doing so in support of Word Made Flesh and The Hope Center for Kids, both are out of Omaha. The Hope Center is a purpose-breathing, day-club for children of inner-city Omaha. WMF works internationally speaking life to the poorest of the poor. The link for pledging your support to Word Made Flesh is up now on my bike trip journal a ride of passage (www.rideofpassage.blogspot.com)
the link for pledging to The Hope Center will be up any day now.

Also! We will be having a going away/fundraising with 100% of donations going to these local charities. So, that goes down on at 6pm on Thursday May 4th at my loving parents house in Omaha, NE. I would love if you could all be there. I would love to see you before I leave. Their address is 11442 Queens Dr. Omaha, NE. 68164. If you need directions please call me(402)730-4823, email me, halfpastnormal@yahoo.com or mapquest.com them.

To my friends,

Hey on May 6th my brother(Nate) and I will be leaving for a 2 and a half month bike trip across America. I will be keeping an online journal for both my own posterity, your enjoyment and my mom's peace of mind. So if you want to check that out it is at rideofpassage.blogspot.com

So there it is, check it out and drop me a line. We are doing this as a benefit to The Hope Center for Kids in Omaha as well as Word Made Flesh, both are non-profit organizations that are focusing on making our world a better place. The Hope Center is doing this in inner-city Omaha and Word Made Flesh has 8 locations around the world. Both of these organizations are very close to my heart. I was a summer intern at Hope a few years ago, and I went to Romania with WMF after high school.

We are having a fundraising potluck on May 3rd or 4th at my parents house in Omaha. I would love if you could make it out and see us off. I will be dropping more information here as we get closer to that time. You will also be able to donate to both charaties on my blog, soonly.

peace,

matt

So, I just got back from my first trip to New York. I was there with my job, a production company that does videography and photography for a touring dance competition. So I was in New York City working. Today was just hung out in the city all day.

I feel like I saw the preview and now I want to spend my $6 and see the whole thing. I wanna go back. We saw Times Square and ate around there, then we bummed around Chinatown for awhile, then went to Ground Zero (which was really more impactful than I thought it would be...since I wasnt in America when 9-11 happened it gave me a visual face to put with a name...wow!) Then we went to the finanical district and saw the stock exchange....then had beers in a cool little lounge before flying home. A fast tour, really cool. There are so many textures in NYC, its like sensory overload. The city, pulses. It is almost alive. Very cool. I wanna go back!

Now, for sleep, I've slept 18 hours in the past 3 nights (4,4, 4 and 6) and I am pooped. Night.

Just go to bed Matt.......


Just go to bed Matt, it will all go Aw ay tom mo r o.....