The Last One

I feel kind of odd breaking my streak of non-blogging with this lameness, but...

Right now in the break room where I work there currently sits one more Ferrero Rocher chocolate truffles. The Last one. It has been sitting there for a little bit. How do I know, cause I ate the second to last one. Effectively, the last one. The odds of the last one being taken is slim to none. The ensuing guilt and shame might be enough to push the taker over the edge.

Have you ever noticed this. The politics and bureaucracy that emerge when the second to last one is taken.

Imagine with me for a moment; You're at a party, pizza is being served and the chubby guy with the Duke baseball hat just took the second to last piece of pizza, leaving only one more piece of pizza. Effectively, the scarlet letter or pizza. In proper circles boldly taking and eating the last piece of pizza without asking would cause transference of the social stain to the eater. You know that everyone in the room wants it.

The potential stress of breaching the conversation is often enough to break up the party. The party-host would often do better simply throwing out the last piece once this point has been reached.

...The truffle is still there.

This guy kind of inspires me...and makes my 6 mile bike-commute look like cake.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2008/05/30/christian.bike.to.work.kero

Every taste is either acquired, or refined.

If I could ask any dead person one question, I would ask an actor, who had portrayed their death on stage or screen, whether or not their actual death felt like they had expected.

Perspective: David Letterman would have had a hay-day.....



So, there have been a few "running gags" over the past few years of late-night television that I have really loved. For awhile Late Night with David Letterman took to throwing things out windows and would show their slow motion replays of these things smashing on the cement below, the object that sticks out in my memory was a 25-gallon aquarium filled with guacamole.

Conan O'Brian's long running "in the year 2000" will always be a favorite, as well as his having a man dressed in black t-shirt and sweatpants (emblazoned with the word "pubes") standing in random public places saying the word "pubes" in an un-embellished tone.

David Letterman also had a gig for awhile called "Is This Anything?"

--

I visited "The MCA" (Museum of Contemporary Art) a couple days ago and I believe that Dave and Paul Shaffer would have been knee-deep in debatable "things" with this museum. I mean, I don't really know the distinction between "contemporary art" and "modern art", but I have heard modern art described as "Weird for the sake of weird." (-Moe, The Simpsons)

The most impressive part of the museum for me was a fish tank built into the archtecture of the building.

As I sat on the edge of this almond shaped pond and watched the five or six Koi fish slowly swim around in relatively erratic, yet methodical patterns. They appeared to be heavily involved in their goings on, whether it was nibbling some crumb off the pond bottom, or swimming mindlessly from end to end. I wondered whether or not they were aware of their existence. I wondered if by the time they got to one end of the 10 foot pond, they'd forgotten about the other end and were then in a hurry to get back, or check it out. I wondered if they were aware of my existence. From time to time one of them seemed to look up, but it seems impossible to tell.




I wondered if my constant dashings from end-to-end of my own "pool" were just as inane, just as meaningless. I wondered if I would be aware of anyone looking down on me. I wonder if I am aware of God, and to what extent we can be. As I walked away from the pond it seemed to become even more complicated. The pond is built into the bottom of the eye-shaped stairwell. So from every point on the stairs you could look down and see the fish. From every new height a new perspective on the same thing.



I made note to myself that much "contemporary art is heavily, if not wholly interested in the process of the creation of said piece." Many of the artist's descriptions next to each piece began with; "I feel...", or "I felt..." or "I thought..." Self-involvement? Narcissism?


The other piece that most caught my mind was one titled "The Other Vietnam Memorial."



Although, the picture is a bit blurry, this is a floor-to-ceiling, Rolodex style installation with the names of the dead from the Vietnam war. Much like its better known counterpart in our nations capital, this exhibit carried the names of the nearly 3 million who died in the conflict, from their country. White gloves were provided so one could "touch" the exhibit, like one would at the wall in D.C. The overwhelming difference here was the font size - much smaller than it's "more important" relative in Washington.

Walking up the staircase, and out the door of the museum I had to pause for a moment to rest. Sometimes your mind will do that to you. Sometimes when you can't force all of the correct answers to be in the forefront of your brain at one time you get over-whelmed. But then again didn't the writer of Ecclesiastes say something about a "chasing after the wind."

Radiohead: Weird as they wanna be. (St. Louis May, 14th 2008)

The show was Ah-mazing! Here's a very apt review http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/atoz/2008/05/show_review_radiohead_at_the_v.php

Totally worth driving down, and bussing back within 20 hours, totally worth feeling totally worthless right now at work, back in Chicago. I may, or may not write more when I am feeling more...conscious.

Radiohead: Weird enough for me.

How much different would George W. Bush's 8-year presidency have looked without 9/11?

Here are some sites that I really like and frequent on a semi-regular basis.

http://www.banksy.co.uk/ - "Bansky" is a "street artist" and by that I mean graffiti artist (see also http://obeygiant.com/ - the more famous or "in-famous" artist) One of his indoor pieces is my current desktop picture at work....I call it "terrorists for love" but I dont know the real title.

Also, Cyanide and Happiness (http://www.explosm.net/comics/1261/) It is admittedly, drier and more cynical, and would probably not be considered "for everyone." (I actually had to look for a bit before I chose one of their comics I felt appropriate to share as the first on the link.

The obvious and aforementioned Stuff White People Like

Also, stumbled across this one (http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/dying.html)a couple days ago in searching for Charles Darwin's last words - "I am not the least afraid to die." and thought the list was pretty interesting.

Irony, is the vegetarian who only eats organic - due to the toxins and pesticides - who drinks beer and smokes pot, both of which are essentially poisons.

We are but waves,
ourselves and those around us.
As we reach a pinnacle
we believe we are the first to crash on this beach.
We are the first to be swallowed again, out to sea.

Every moment, more important than the crashing wave just before.
Believed to be unique, special, how true.
But alike all the same.

We are but ebb, and flow.
Ashes, dust.
Held up by those before,
and supporting those who will come after.

Waxing and waining,
living and dying,
rivers and tides.

I think that it is wholly inappropriate to think of another human as an "enemy". By definition, as human, to place the title "enemy" is to term them, the other and the opposition - thus tagging them as irredeemable, just like we do with corporal punishment and death row inmates. To take it a step further and to actually kill this person (in the name of whatever "good") is to first, play god and second to completely deny their humanity. What is the difference between protecting my human, biological brother and feeling the need/requirement to protect a human, non-biological brother if we can assume that everyone is someone else's "brother/sister." The labeling of "human" (a thing which all living homo sapiens are deserving of)is the most validating of terms. Conversely, terming one as "enemy", the most invalidating, similar to how we treat people with handicaps. Invalid.

Who is my brother?

Irony is being told how un-nutritious cotton candy is by someone eating french-fries or potato chips.

War seems like the get-rich-quick scheme toward World peace.

So, right now, as of April 17th 2008, I have never interviewed for a job that I have not gotten. I only bring this up because that may all change tommorow. If you have not heard, I have applied and interviewed with Teach for America.

If accepted I will need to choose in very rapid order whether or not I am going to accept the position and location offered, and if not what am I going to do otherwise. I guess, if I choose otherwise it wont need to be so quick, but putting it that way makes it seem more dramatic. I have put my preferences as LA, Houston, Kansas City and Memphis ....so I guess we'll find out tommorow.

I'll be honest, I am fairly nervous. With that being said, I am not banking on getting the position. I have seen how those expectations have worked out for others in the past. If I get it, great, if not great. If not, I'll develop another plan of being able to share love/opportunity with others.

So I guess we'll see what happens, and after tommorow I'll start to formulate a plan for "whats next." Time is NOT money, and I am in no rush. After a few months of feeling like I've been waiting for this decision it will be nice to finally have an answer one way or another.

Either way, I'll let you know.

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together...." (The Beatles, I am the Walrus)

Self-actualization is one of the whack-iest things. Now I am ok with saying "I think therefore I am." (Descartes) From there, once we've arrived at my/your/our existence here, what am I/you/we?

I'll get back to the craziness that is the symbolism on the dollar bill some other time (see post dated April 10th 2008).

"...See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I'm crying.

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
MAN, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g'joob."

If I were to open up a book, and in that book read the words "You are a beautiful, individual. A unique individual who is loved." I would most likely feel warm, special, unique, loved. All good feelings. If I took that book and handed it to you and had you read the same words, you would also be that unique and loved individual. If you took the book and walked down the street until no one else from the before interaction was within ear-shot and handed the book to some other complete stranger the process would repeat itself.

So why don't we live like this? Why don't we more often live in the mode of affirming others value and worth?

It is easy to understand as a child when your mother tells you that you are special. There's a chance that the stranger you meet on the street heard a similar truth when they were young. It is unfortunate if they did not.

interconnectedness
me in relationship
defined by relationship

I've said before (or heard it said, or both) that we are most fully human in relationship. Case in point, all the of the adjectives we use to describe ourselves to others are relational adjectives (brother, mother, sister, daughter, employee, employer, dad, disc-jockey, artist, lover, teacher.) Why is it that all of these terms only make sense when viewed in their relationship to someone else? I am the son of Al and Shirley, Brother of Chris and Nate, Employee of .... etc....

One of my all time favorite quotes is from the movie Fight Club which I will quote here verbatim (I should acknowledge the language, but not apologize for it as it is a quote. If you feel you may be offended, please skip ahead.)

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." - Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Why then, if we gain all... most...a large part (?) - of our validity from our relations do we spend so much of our time putting up with the societal ideal that we must "get ahead" of those around us? If truly "all you need is love" (The Beatles, All you need is love ) then why do we spend so much of our time and so much of ourselves striving to be more, and to have more?

Why can't we realize our validation as being human, along with all our flaws and inadequacies, and try to help others see their validity. We spend so much of ourselves trying to gain the validation of others, we try to glean our value from how much money we make, what car we drive, which shirt or pair of shoes we wear. What would happen if we stopped trying so hard to prove our worth, looked around at those around us and merely said "you are beautiful."

Cooperation vs. competition.

Together we can be more than the sum of our parts.

I have the feeling/belief that if we spent ourselves wholly on seeing to build up and value others in our lives then we wouldn't feel so concerned about our own getting ahead, and in a perfect world someone else would be concerned with helping you feel more valued.

Does anyone else find it interesting that the words "In God We Trust" is printed on every piece of US Currency? Seems contradictory. Almost a dichotomy, eh?

Value - the struggle and surrender of self-worth.

I'll be honest (and if you're the first person reading this you'll be the first to know - and you should leave a comment to tell me so.) that I really like the song You're Beautiful by James Blunt.

"You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true."

I know you've all heard the song. I also really like the song Daughters
by John Mayer. I'll provide the link to the full lyrics here.

Now while neither of these songs are absolute favorites of mine, what they communicate is amazing. Value, worth, esteem, honor, respect. So many things that are not readily communicated in society.

I've heard it said before that; The chief end of man is to know and be known. (if you know the actual quote please let me know.) I am convinced that so much of our time and energy here on Earth are spent chasing after these things. Cars, business, clothing, success, money, promotions. The music we listen to, the apartment or house we live in, the people we hang out with.

This morning I tied a tie for the first time. I had an interview up on North Michigan ave. and needed to look fancy. After the interview I needed to use the restroom and the place next door was Neiman Marcus, so I headed in. Wandering the floors to find the place I wondered to myself whether or not I would be accepted in this place if I were not wearing a suit and tie. Everyone was in slacks or better, the only pair of jeans was on a soccer-mom who looked like she'd taken a wrong turn. Why is it that putting on a tie gave me the status of being able to be in this store?

Walking out the door ten-steps down the side-walk there was a homeless man begging. I wondered whether or not he'd be accepted in Neiman Marcus. How's that for a dichotomy?

If I could tell everyone in the world one thing it would be that they are beautiful. Valuable. Important. Unique and Loved, and nothing they could do would change that.

Where do we derive our worth from? If we truly are suppose to be "in the world but not of the world." Then why are we so concerned about what the world thinks of us.

"This world has nothing for me,
This world has everything,
all that I could want
and nothing that I need.
-This World, Caedmon's Call

If there is one thing that I could tell you it would be that you are valuable and that nothing you do could change that. If there were one thing I could ask you to do is to not try to prop up your self-worth, but to in turn realize the hurting world around you and seek with all your heart, mind and soul to build up the worth of others.

I remember my mother when I was a wee little lad telling me that I was a special, unique individual. Perhaps it is because of those words that I can say these words today. I've been through the lows of depression, loneliness and doubting self-worth and I know that it sucks. I see others there every day and I want to say to them, climb on my back and I'll carry you or better yet, put your arm around me and we'll walk, hobble - broken together.

I was very thankful to find out that the office where I interviewed today was casual (Jeans!) and not a suit and tie (Its hard to bike in formal wear.) You don't need to find your value in what clothes you wear, what car you drive or even those who are around you. Be. Just be. Valuable, beautiful, loved, a gift - and lets seek to build that feeling in others.

kickin?

What is plastic??!?!

Has anyone stopped to ask themselves this? More importantly has anyone stopped to ask someone else this? From what I gather it is some conglomerate of polymers melted down into a goo-ey substance and then molded into just about everything we use in our lives. It cannot be repaired. There are about a million types of it. It doesn't really ever properly decompose. It apparently has estrogen in it (and probably a million other harmful chemicals). Mr. McGuire calls it "the way of the future" in The Graduate (1967) and to a large part, he has been right. But does anything know anything good about this product?

Top 4 reasons why I like Green Snot

1. Thickening
2. Girls are way more likely to be grossed out by green snot than by not-green-snot
3. Green snot means that you're sinuses are nearing the end of draining, which means you will be able to hear properly again, and talk properly again and more or less not feel like there's a 300 pound gorilla sitting on your head...unless of course there is a 300 pound gorilla sitting on your head.*
4. Green snot means you will soon have boogers, boogers are natural


*If there is a 300 pound gorilla sitting on your head you may want to contact your local authorities for help.

Having a cold sucks. Speaking of things that sucks, racism sucks. Recently Democratic Presidential Hopeful Barack Obama addressed this issue, specifically in regards to some very divisive comments his Pastor made from the pulpit. Here is the most complete version of the video I could find, which I have yet to see, but we should watch it and then talk about it.

You can read the complete text of the speech here.

I love this blog too much to not pimp it on my own blog.

Stuff White People Like

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

Both links are to the same thing, I am just making it more convenient for you. Enjoy. I read this daily, and laugh. And realize how point-less our life is. How much we've made out of so little. Sigh....

Torn like two-ply toilet tissue

So, There seem to be these times in life where an OBVIOUS answer just doesn't seem to exist. Usually this period of confusion follows the question of "What should I do next?"

I feel like I have a solid answer to "What do I want to do with my life?" and that is; To use less and to love more.

Which may sound kinda vague, and that may be the reason I like it so much. Vague leaves alot of room for freedom, and if one is willing to live with accountability and not use their freedom to be lackadaisical then I think alot of good can come from it. I guess, its the difference between the successes (and failures) of democracy and the successes (and failures) of socialism. People are willing to live more of their convictions (and contribute more) to society if they are acting under their own impetus, rather than the forced will of the government (or The Man.)


Why have we turned (all of our) relationships into formulas? You do this and this and this and then you get or give this and this and this, and then this happens and your relationship is better for it. Presto! Why does everyone's Christian walk look the same? Read. Worship. Pray. Presto change-o! Yikes, that scares me.

So I am applying for Teach for America (http://www.teachforamerica.com/). TFA is a corp of people who start as beginning teachers in "under-privileged" areas, trying to share some of the opportunity (and hope) they've been given in building relationships with students in the classroom. TFA is, and can seem like a romantic idea, which I don't believe it will be in all practicality. Over the past few months of the application/interview process I've read many accounts of both the "Happily ever afters...." and the horror stories from teachers who have hated it.

I guess, ultimately the question is where do I think I could do the most good? The options are roughly TFA or Omaha, NE. I would love to start a community house of sorts in Omaha, encourage people to start bike-commuting, using less, re-cycling and generally and living more sustainably. I already know alot of people in Omaha and feel that it would be building this sort of thing with some sort of starting foundation, or going about it from scratch. Thoughts?

My office job is closing at the end of this month, which throws me for yet another decision loop. Yikes. So I find myself in a city where I don't really feel that I should be in half-waiting out a lease that ends in July waiting with my hands-tied to make decisions. So there you go. Are you as confused as I am? =)

Of Puerto Rico and being handed the keys to "Jurassic Park."

So we got back from Puerto Rico Saturday evening. Whiplash. It was 85 and sunny on the beach on the PR, 24 hours before we landed in Chicago. Walking back to my apartment from the EL stop in shorts it was 30 and windy.

Puerto Rico was amazing. Just what the doc. ordered in terms of getting away from the stresses of my hectic working life. It was pretty much 80 the entire time we were there. We spent alot of time on a various number of different beaches, all of them gorgeous. If you've seen a postcard and that postcard has a beach pictured on it, then most likely the beach pictured is in Puerto Rico, regardless of whether or not the name on the postcard says Jacksonville or Venice Beach.

The water in Puerto Rico is blue, which is different than the poop brown color that the ocean is right off our coasts. The sand is most often white, which is probably the reason is so blue.

We spent alot of time snorkling, we saw alot of things Barracudas, Crabs, Sea Slugs (which we tormented until they "inked" their load (which we have video of here). We saw Puffer fish, Sting Rays and Regal Tang fish (which is what Dory was from the movie Finding Nemo - theyre alot less annoying in real life.)

Most nights we camped on beaches, sleeping to the crashing surf.

One day we drove west on the island to see the largest satellite in the world (Aricebo Observatory) which was featured in the movie Goldeneye and also Contact. It was pretty cool. We were planning on camping at a near by national forest, but when we got there found that it was closed (Like many other things on an island that apparently moves more slowly than here.) We found two guys working in the machine shop behind the main office, and asked what the deal was. They re-itterated that it was closed and told us that we were pretty much hosed since it was nearing dark and the next nearest campsite was quite a ways away. The looked us over and handed us the keys.

Yes, the keys to a national park in Puerto Rico. Pretty flippin' awesome. We have pictures. As you can see it pretty much looks like Jurassic Park, and since none of Jurassic Park was actually shot in Puerto Rico (sorry guys) we decided to tell people that we pretty much slept in Jurassic Park. It was a great night out, so we decided to sleep under the stars. Falling asleep to the sound of crickets, and Koki frogs....which we told ourselves were Brontosaurus and Velociraptor (what? I was home-schooled, I have an over-active imagination.)

On Thursday of last week we left the main island of Puerto Rico by ferry for the island of Vieques, where we snorkled some more and paid visit to a Bioluminescent bay. Which can sort of be seen here (but think, this is a small fish, imagine swimming in it!) I could "Hadouken" (for you old school 16-bit gaming geeks out there) my brother from a good four or five feet away and a stream of light would hit him. Pretty cool!

More jokes and relating, than can be related here. More fun than can be related here. I will always argue that its not what you do its who you do it with. And the thing that makes trips like this priceless are the people you go with. We went as a group of six, I didn't know three from the group before we left, but it was fantastic. A friend of mine David Chronic said to me once that "Scarcity creates community." Its always cool to put yourself in a situation with a group of people that you're all unfamiliar with, and with less than you have in the average day (essentially what you have in your hiking pack) and to live and learn from there. Pretty cool. Hmm...no wonder I like the idea of community living so much. Anyone else wanna move somewhere together?

peace,

matt

p.s. - here are the links to the photo albums which we uploaded from the 5 digital cameras that traveled along.

Kristen's Gallery
Nate's Gallery
Seth's Gallery

Friday, February 22, 2008

Oscar predictions (not that it matters) Here it goes, faster that you can say The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (my hand cramped up just typing that.) Best Picture - No Country for Old Men (Ive been saying it since October, maybe longer.) Best Director - Ethan and Joel Coen - No Country for Old Men Best Actor in a Leading Role - Daniel Day Lewis - There Will be Blood(Brooding!) Best Actress in a Leading Role - Julie Christie - Away from Her (which I havent seen.) of the films I have seen Ellen Page should win. Best Actor in a Supporting Role - Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men(Terrifying!) Best Actress in a Supporting Role - Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There (Brilliant!) Best Original Screenplay - Diablo Cody - Juno Best Adapted Screenplay - Paul Thomas Anderson - There Will be Blood Animated Feature - Ratatouille - though, Persepolis was the better "film" Documentary - No End in Sight - The Academy WILL not risk another Michael Moore rampage. Foreign Language Film - Falscher Die Best Cinematography - Janusz Kaminski - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Its Janusz Kaminski for crying out loud.) Best Editing - The Bourne Ultimatum, but No Country for Old Men Should win. Best Achievement in Art Direction - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (I WILL NOT predict Atonement for anything) Best Achievement in Costume Design - Elizabeth: The Golden Age Orignal Score - 3:10 to Yuma (Brilliant, by far the best score here, but I would love to have seen a No Country nom here.) Sound - The Bourne Ultimatum Sound Editing - Transformers (why was Live Free or Die Hard not nominated?) Visual Effects - Transformers (I WILL not vote for Pirates 1, re-warmed thrice) Best Doc. Short Subject - Sari's Mother Best Animated Short - I Met the Walrus Best Live Action Short - Om natten There you have it.

"Perception is reality." Is perception reality or does it simply define (shape) reality? Yes, I think perception shapes reality.

I was sitting in the international terminal of O'hare airport enjoying a few last hours with my brother and sister-in-law who are (as of the time of writing this) about halfway to London. They are moving to Sierra Leone for three years to serve amongst the poorest of the poor. (rhetorical question alert) Why dont more people do this? (rhetorical question alert)

I thought that between my brothers and I we've been to quite a few different countries and experienced quite a few different cultures, we've seen quite a few different local (micro) realities that make up a greater picture (lets call it macro-reality) or just Reality. What is the correlation between Reality and truth (or Truth)? Often it is easier (I think) and sometimes looked down upon to assume that there is absolute Truth. But, I do believe in absolute Truth, I strongly and firmly do. What that absolute Truth is I don't know and don't think that we'll ever have irrefutable evidence toward it.

At the tender, young age of 25 I feel like I've read my fair share of books, Ive experienced quite a few crazy/cool things, I feel like Ive learned quite a bit. Yet all I can say that I know authoritatively is my own opinion(and even then, sometimes that's sketchy.) I even feel that it would be pretty arrogant for me to say that I "know" Truth. All it takes is one humbling walk through a library archive to realize all of the things in life that you do not know or understand. The stacks and volumes of material which you've never once breached in your mind.

The Bible even eludes to this when it talks about seeing in a mirror darkly..."For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." 1 Corinthians 13:12 (KJB)

I think what we mean when we say we "know" Truth is that we believe Truth. Faith. Faith is huge. Faith takes an experience. In many religious cases a relationship or some other manifestation of things which we cannot begin to grasp. Perhaps, faith is alot like trust, "This person caught me before in the past when I fell, perhaps they will catch me if I fall again. Yes, I believe, I trust."

I currently own three Trek (brand) bikes and have been very pleased and impressed with their performance. You could say that I am a firm believer in the Trek brand (and I think you'd be correct in saying so.) Yet my brother owns two Giant bikes and seems happy there. His experience backs his belief, my experience backs mine (and believe it or not, we do co-exist happily.)

Does this mean that my perception affects the nature of Truth? No. But I do also believe that our minds are too small, too finite to begin to grasp "Truth" in this life time. Does it mean that my perception shapes reality? Yes, maybe. If you're into quibbling semantics. If we got all of the 6.5 billion individuals together in one big forum and had it out about Truth and afterwards published an exhaustive work regarding Truth, we might be a little bit closer to an understanding. Or at very least we would have a more informed, more universal approach toward what we're calling "Truth."

Perhaps, within dialogue our definition of Truth can only be made stronger. With your understanding of Truth combined with my understanding of Truth we may be able to see a still clearer picture. "With our powers combined, we are Captain Planet!"

Beards are "in." The day of the clean-shaven slacker are over. I just got back from seeing Iron and Wine so you know why I think so. I am pretty convinced that Singer/Songwriter Sam Beam has a few birdies nested in there. And they're happy about it too, with his laid-back/friendly demeanor those speckle-throated swallows couldn't be happier. It sure beats that dump up there on the tree branch thats for sure, and warmer too.

Thats the thing about Iron and Wine, you know through his lyrics that he's seen his share of hard times. You get the feeling that he understands, and yet through his sweet, un-wavering voice you just get this sense that it's gonna be ok. You know, I have to think that it will be.

I walked out feeling as though I'd just gotten a nice massage, relaxed, mellow, ready to take on just about anything. At this point however, sleep seems to be the best option, I am prepared.

http://www.halfpastnormal.blogspot.com

I was on a break from work a few months ago, sitting on one of the columns in front of the Italian Sports Hall of Fame in Chicago. A friend of mine had stepped out of Starbucks where I work in order to grab a smoke. About 30 feet apart we didn't talk, I didn't see her. Later she told me that she wonders what Matt thinks about at times like this. I told her I didn't know, and proceeded to make another Latte, probably non-fat, maybe no foam, almost certainly over-priced and not needed.

I've realized that I think alot, perhaps too much. Some say thats not possible, I think they're just encouraging me toward my sanity. =) I love them.

A friend asked if I'd been journaling lately. I told her "no." But I need to be. And I do need to be, so here we go. I haven't blogged in a long time but need to get into it again. I haven't been writing much recently and I am hoping that my more informal tootlings on here will encourage the grey matter in the fictional field. Sure, I am working on a couple scripts. But I think it's the ideas shared here that will flesh out in script form elsewhere. In any case I invite you along in this less-intrusive-than-email form. I choose to post as opposed to email for that reason. So you can read if you like and you can not read if you like. The thing I want to avoid is having a platform. I wish this could be more discussion based, cause I think the only way any of us can really learn is together. I consider myself an expert in no field, other than my own opinion (which is probably half-wrong 50% of the time.)

So with that, check back, comment back, write back, call, communicate as you will. I need you, and perhaps together we can learn some stuff. These are my thoughts and you can read them at


http://www.halfpastnormal.blogspot.com

This is an email, I originally wrote and never sent nearly 6 years ago. Its interesting/funny to go back and see what has stayed the same and what has changed in my life.

eastward ho!, a bowl of chili and the end of a dynasty

Hey hey everybody!!! Well here we are again, the end of a, once new year, the out set of yet another, the next step in the finite puzzle that comes together to form the existance that is ours. Where have we come from? Where are we going? Questions that we all must delve into. Another Christmas, a season of Joy, reflection and looking to the year that stands emminent on our doorstep. Any attempt to ignore it proves to be futile. We must look to the new year, we must look to change. What have we done? Where has it gotten us? Is there a margin of error? Or room for improvement? Will we sit and hope that our current direction will hold true for yet another year? Or will we change that path in hopes of making the world a "better place." Will our failures help us grow or leave us floundering? New years resolutions, everyone has them, and everyone breaks them. Will you stick to yours? Can I stick to mine? Will this year be the year that things change? Just as we ask every year. Can we change ourselves in order to change the world? Leo Tolstoy once said "Everyone thinks of changing society but no one thinks of changing themself." Lets go or fail trying, with the pride of having at least tried.

This past year has been a year of growth and change for me. Just over a year ago I was returning home from Romania, most of you were kind enough to come along with me in prayer and support. Coming back and facing the changes and inner-conflicts that this trip taught me about the life we live, desiring to know Jesus heart for the poor and our role in that. Since then, I have had three jobs, Midwest Express Airlines(baggage handler) Marriot Hotel Reservations(ummm...telephone hotel reservations agent) and China Buffet(server) and learned the 'joys' of working a 70 hour work week and functioning on -literally, little to no sleep at all. I had the opportunity to return to Romania with a youth team from my church. I have attended the University of Nebraska at Omaha for a semester, often at the cost of my sanity as term papers went un-typed up till the night before they were due. All of that, barring the millions of boring details, brings us to now and onward.

Well, In the next few days I am moving out(lets change that to 'a few days ago'), to a house with a bunch of guys from church, down at 38th and Farnam. I am taking a semester off of school in order to work and save up for this coming fall, in which I hope to attend the University of Nebraska at Lincoln(GO BIG RED-proud and un-abashed after this past season.) I will be turning my program of study from broadcasting to Film Studies at UNL. What this will ultimately do for me, I do not know. But one desire of mine is to direct films, when I grow up. This summer I hope to be in the city of Minneapolis. Helping out on the movie set of this SUPER cool guy that I know. With all that, again barring all of the details about this next year that I dont know yet, brings us to this point next year. I will probably be sitting at this same spot in my house typing an email similar to this one.
Will this next year drop us off in the same place we picked up, unsatisfied with a bad taste in our mouth? Will we come to this place: 2003 still holding the same frustrations? Will we sit and watch as the world slowly drifts by or can we get up and make a difference? Can we change ourselves in order to change the world? It only takes a spark to start a forest fire, why is it that the spark is the hardest to produce? As we step into the new year lets light that spark and allow that to be our catalyst.

I guess that optimally I would close all of this out with a big stunning presentation of THE one thing that I think we should all strive for. Unfortunatly I dont have a universal propoganda of this magnitude at this time. I would contend however that all of us can think of at least one thing that they would like to change in their own life, and we can think of a number of things that we would like to change about society. Lenin once said, "Without a revolutionary theory there can be no revolutionary movement." This would be to say that there is always a beggining to any revolution. Why do you think that there is a marked 'historical site' at all of the major revolutionary 'birth places'? Because this is where the masses gathered, this is the place where the peoples conscious was stirred, this is where emotion was aroused, and something changed. Kingdoms have had their rise and fall on revolutions. Regimes have seen their power come and go. Whats the hardest part of accomplishing any task? Where to start, right? It usually takes something to motivate us to 'get off the couch and do something.' Perhaps, this could be the start we are looking for, Perhaps we can all work together to push and encourage everyone. Perhaps we can change the world. Lets Go.

"everyman dies, but not everyman really live."
-William Wallace, Braveheart

"...I dont want to lose heart, I want to believe."
-Robert the Bruce, Braveheart



peace,

matt

my new contact information is as follows,

3819 Farnam st
Omaha, NE. 68131

phone number,

(402)933-8973

email,

thetick91@yahoo.com

please, call or drop by anytime, I would love to hang out and show you around.

I am blessed with the most amazing friends and family in the world. Thank you for being in my life and allowing me to be in yours.

On my way to work this a couple days ago, biking through the falling snow I saw a guy with mohawk, full, and probably 10" tall. I was sort of jealous.

On my way to lunch, I was approached individually by two different Green Peace'rs; "Would you like to help save the whales?" I wanted to, I really did. Part of me is pressed by the fact that I have loans to pay off. Part of me is pressed by the other guy I saw down the street, hunkered down next to a building, shivering, cold, with a sign next to him that said; "Broke and Alone. Please help" in hand scrawled, permanent ink on corrugated cardboard box that was beggining to deteriorate as the snow around it melted. I thought to myself; that guy might be more honest with his humanity than most people I know. Who isn't Broke and Alone? Was he talking about being broke financially or just as a human, broken?

Part of me is concerned for the whales. Ok, truth be told, a big part of me is concerned for the whales. I feel that if we don't begin to take preventative measures now, then what is affecting the whales and polar bears today will be effecting humans, us, tommorow.

Part of me realizes that what is affecting the polar bears is already affecting humans. People are dying at an alarming rate and we are for the most part, not alarmed.

People often ask me why I bike (particularly when its 10 degrees out and snowing.) I'am often unable to articulate a sensible reason, but as I've thought about it, Ive been able to formulate a decent idea as to why I bike.

Its good for me - I find biking to be therapeutic, it relaxes me, yes, even while biking between cars in downtown Chicago (yes, while wearing a helmet, mom.) Not to mention the health benefits.

Its good for the environment - I produce very few green house gasses while biking. =) I also find that it helps connect me to my surroundings. Biking in it, as opposed to through it, behind the windshield of a car.

Its good for the economy - It saves me quite a bit of money which I am then able to pass on to others who may need it more. Also, not supporting "Big Oil" feels pretty good.

This past year has been pretty momentous in many aspects. I guess the biggest was graduation. I associated it alot with a feeling of being new born, pushed out into the world, slapped on the back and forced to breath. I associate alot with how an infant might feel taking their first few shaky steps. Or a baby bird, pushed from the nest for the first time. One mis-step and you're on the ground, lessons learned, ready to try again.

Learning to live in Chicago has been an adventure. "Does this EL train really go to where I need to go?", "Is Adams st 100N or 100S?", and "Where is the closest Jimmy John's for yet another sub lunch?" I feel that I've grown alot, which will probably only be marked by looking back five years from now and seeing how much more I have grown, again. The older I get, the more I realize I don't know or understand.

I am currently working two-jobs (60+ hours a week) at Starbucks and Corgi USA (www.corgi-usa.com) I am an Administrative Assistant (receptionist) for a company that sells die-cast collectors models, and a barista at the largest coffee retailer in the world. Wooo! I got my degree for this. I got my degree for this?! More to the point, I got the loans I am currently paying off in order to get my degree. (Crap!!)

The future, 2008, I see flying cars and teleports. But for myself I see, I dunno. The plan was to move to Houston with some great friends, to live simply in community and to love more. In brief; to use less and to love more. In essence thats my plan for 2008. Houston has sort of fallen through for the moment, but I am not counting it out. Where I'll end up location wise is entirely up in the air, I will most likely be in Chicago through July when my lease is up.

My resolutions for the upcoming year are:

To read The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
To read the New Testament (as most of what Jesus said is in there.)
To finish a feature length screenplay (one of any of the few that I am working on)
To live slower, smaller, simple and to use what I've been given to hopefully help others live more fulfilled lives.

I wish you all an fantastic 2008, I wish that I could spend more time with each of you, and if anyone would like to move anywhere and live together with people for the mutual good then do it!

"To infinity and Beyond!"
-Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story

peace,

matt